Step Daughter
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Step Daughter
| Wed, 08-01-2007 - 2:59pm |
well it is like this...I have a boyfriend and we have been together 8 years and it has been a hard 8 years..for the longest time her daughter would make up things about me and I swore one day I would get even with her. Well after time that went away..infact for awhile her and I have gotten along really well and thought the past is the past..well she is turning 19 and is a party girl like you would not believe. I get calls stating that I need to look at her myspace..well last night I did..oh my god sluts are us should be the name of her page..haha..it was bad. on top of that when I went into her room and put her mail on her computer I looked up and found alcohol in there. Not beer either..the hard stuff. AND on top of this my digital camera has come up missing and when I asked her about it she siad no she has not seen it..she has her own digital camera but it is not working properly but somehow she keeps coming up with all these pics to put on her myspace. She has been runnign motel 6 in our house..her father finally put a stop to it..little too late though..cuz that is when my digital camera came up missing. Well after we looked for it for 2 hours we still did not fine it and then last night I called one of the girls that was in the house and flat out accused her she stated that my boyfriends daughter has a digital camera that is working well. I said that is strange cuz hers does not work that well..I am guessing she has mine...The girl I talked to last night was going to get a pic of this camera and send it to me. I have already told her father about the liquor but my question is...what do I do about the myspace pics and how do I approach him if it comes back and I find out she is the one that took my camera? Our relationship is a hard relationship and he has not be a step up dad to her. Infact he has been the complete opposite. She has snuck out of the house and not get punished. She has never gotten in trouble with him at all. No matter what she has done..trust me. so what do I do

Why are you in this relationship? And when is she going to move out?
I would just lay it on the line with her father and state that this is the camera that she is using and it is mine. If you are afraid of approaching her father then there is no point in being in the relationship.
I have not been in your shoes, so I dont' know what you are going through, but it sounds pretty aggravating to me.
As a step daughter on both side of my parents divorce (meaning they both got re-married) this is none of your business. I am sorry to say this but this is not your place. Granted you have been with the father for 8 years and I understand that and I am not trying to belittle you relationship with him. But you are only the girlfriend and not the mom…period. Nor are you the father, therefore you are not a disciplinarian.
You brought up a very important point - "no room" for you. Basically you entered into a relationship with a man who had an existing life with existing baggage in place. You simply fit into his life or you dont. Many men feel the same way as you when they date a woman with a child. They feel as though the woman will not bend to create a new life with a man, because of the child. And we all know that men need to be the ones who have to have everything revolving around them.
He is a wimp when it comes to his daughter and his wife. All the nagging and threats on your part will never change him. He has to want to change in order for that to happen.
It seems you feel you are being disrespected by him and the daughter and your feelings are secondary to their current relationship. The daughter will always come first to him. He offered to buy you a new camera to make peace and just smooth things over. He probably cant wait for her to move out.
Also, unfortunately men usually (not always) cannot be reasoned with. For some strange reason they only learn when they suffer a loss or are confronted with the same behavior. Then they have their "aha" moment. Case in point: Long ago, I once had a friend who was married with children. They had been married for a while and seemed to be happy. Slowly I started to see how he mentally abused her and the kids. He would always comment about women on tv or in a restaurant they were in or wherever. He would never hesitate to comment about how beautiful a woman was in front my friend. Granted, none of us in the room would be able to compete for a Ms. or Mr. Universe contest...but every time he did it I saw her stiffen up and get very quiet. There is no reason to inflict that upon a person...male or female. Especially when you know the person is just an average person - then it is mean. I said nothing because I saw her need to respond as though it didn't bother her, when I knew it did. And it if it were me it would bother me too. Finally...one day he called his kid "stupid" in front of me and I finally lost my temper with him and I said that "so and so" is not stupid and you dont say those things to your kids because it will screw them up. So...he felt the need to always have the upper hand in the house by exploiting his family's weaknesses and I know that people say that it shouldnt matter what someone calls you because you know differently, but why accept less than respectful treatment from someone? It is not about being too sensitive it is about walking over someone's feelings to make yourself feel bigger and stronger. Men will spin it around and say that it is a free country and why cant they just speak their mind and why do women have to be so insecure and sensitive. They'll hear that they need to develop a thicker skin - that is utter nonsense. After a while the woman actually believes that crap and decides to suck it up instead of demanding to be treated respectfully. Why should she have had to suck up that poison of hearing how sexy, "hot" and beautiful someone ELSE is to him? Why should his kids have to think about sounding or looking stupid in front of anyone? Then one day she and I had a field day oohing and aahing over men on tv and in movies right in front of him. I enjoyed it. He walked away from the conversation and I said to myself.."good. I hope you eat this sh%t nice and slow." Any man does that to me, I'm gonna do it right back to him.
And by the way...no man will tell you this...but I will: when a man refers to a woman as "hot" it is referenced between THEM as "hot and bothered" or "wet and ready". It is not about how pretty someone is or is not. Since the media is run by men they make sure to use "hot" with every object or person known to mankind, so they can desentsitize women's minds so that they dont object to the use of that word. But, the fact of the matter is that no woman should want a man to think that they are always wet and ready to go. Unless you have no self esteem. Men have tried over the years to label me that way. And, I am not wet and ready for any man to jump me. That would be a misnomer and slander. Trust me, if I end up in bed with someone who doesn't "do it" for me, my body does respond appropriately. Men are so clueless about the female anatomy that they would confuse a woman whose body naturally cleanses itself with a benign clear discharge as someone who is "wet and ready". If one doesn't douche, then one's body does cleanse itself. Technicially there really is no reason to douche and you can irritate and dry out your vaginal canal. But remember this... men love to gossip about women these days and if you unfortunately sleep with someone who you do respond to sexually he will spread it all around and men give you that wink and smirk afterwards and then you know that you get to sue the s.o.b. for slander and defamation. That is what I will do. Poor Alex.
Men dont take "hot" as "erect and ready to go". They perceive "hot" as sexy and sexual. Because there is a double standard in the world that will never go away, women need to be a little more mindful and understand that if the media is overplaying words (like hot spot or sweet spot) it is to make sure we perceive certain inappropriate phrases as ok because it is all about making sure we are pliable and submissive. That is why they encourage women to look like freaks and get huge implants even though their breasts are fine the way they are - because - when a man sees a woman with huge implants, subconsciously they know that if that woman is willing to distort her body image to that extent to get a man, then she is definitely ripe for mental control and abuse and will do anything to keep a man. It is not just about the size of the breast..it is about what that symbolizes to a man.
Edited 8/4/2007 11:46 am ET by snafu2006
I dont understand what you see that is so wonderful about this man if he has no balls and treats your son one way and his daughter another way. You cannot establish rules for his daughter but he can establish rules for your son? You are not an equal to him in his eyes, so I dont see what is so wonderful about him. You are being used to an extent and that also doesnt spell out a wonderful man.
There is a man who has attempted/is attempting to communicate to me. He professes love for me to everyone but me...to my face...in public. However, he is asking me to relay to him who in his life is betraying him. Well, since he will not acknowledge me to my face ... out loud...in front of people...yes...let his intentions be known...he can forget me giving him any info. Why should I allow myself to be used this way?
He seems to believe that he is my last chance at love. That is not so and he better get with it before too long lest his attitude do him in. Attempting communication with me is not enough....I want acknowledgement. This is REAL buddy. But, I guess it is not fashionable or popular for people to acknowledge me or their love for me - because I am a crime victim in a small town run by the criminals. Since I need a friend NOW...not later...I really wont care what anyone has to say or do later, and that includes my mother. Everyone can be sweet as pie later...it wont matter to me...I wont care. What matters is NOW because this is REAL, my crime is REAL, the treatment I have gotten from people is REAL..not make believe or role play or script....REAL. Since I have been abused severely over the last 5 to 6 years...I am not apt to forgive anyone for allowing me to suffer OR for helping the bad guys abuse me - even mentally. I want to scream, "I am not in "hibernation" you idiots!!!! I am being destroyed and abused and degraded!!!" How can people be so blind and so stupid? I have been screaming for help for 5 long years...and the world that is filled with morons STILL wants to believe I'm hibernation? What dumbasses!!!!! Since when do people not listen to the victim? *Sigh* - all because I was born at the wrong time at the wrong place to the wrong people. Once I put the bad guys in jail I'll be free...free to be left alone.
Edited 8/5/2007 12:25 pm ET by snafu2006