Still Cant Believe This... So Sad & Hurt
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Still Cant Believe This... So Sad & Hurt
| Fri, 08-04-2006 - 11:42am |
Ok I'm sure you all read my story in my other posts. I can't seem to get this whole thing that happened out of my head. It's really bothering me. My mother and sister both suggested that I call match.com and report him and what he did, how he was dishonest in his information, etc. so that it stops this from happening to other innocent women on there. I did. I called them and told them and they said it would be taken care of. Meanwhile, he calls me last night (I don’t have call ID so I didn't know it was him).. Basically what he was trying to get me to agree to is that we should be exclusive (meaning in HIS definition that we don’t sleep with anyone else, but we can talk to other people) - I told him I think that's bullsh*t and if you want to be with someone, you be with them. He said "well what's wrong with meeting new friends?" so I said "you don’t go on match to meet new "friends" and you don’t send out winks and emails saying people are sexy and that you should chat if you're just being "friends". Of course he has no answer to any of these things except but to turn everything around on me. I told him "I didn't feel the need to go on match and make "friends" with other guys while I was with you, and I wouldn't have done that to you because that's disrespectful to you. I just cant believe someone can be so heartless, it breaks MY heart that he didn't even respect me enough not to talk to other women.. And then to try and turn the tables and blame me and try to justify it yet.

First and maybe most importantly - for dating in the 21st century - please please get caller ID. You need it. I dont mean that you need it to screen everyone and be tricky and manipulative with whether you answer one call or the next while you string dates along (and yes, that does hapena d has to me!!)but just that this is a great example of how in this situation you should not be answering this guy's phone calls. He doesnt deserve to talk to you or be with you and he has no excuses even though he keeps trying to come up with some or turn it on you. no wonder you cant get over this - you are still going through it by communicating with him. In order to get over this you will need to drop communication entirely I think.
I am curious as to what Match.com will do in this situation. I have been on match before and never knew that this was even an option. You were right to tell him that you dont go to match to meet new people even though a lot of profiles say this. you are there to find dates and maybe more or at least you should be. it isnt a site about friendship. Yes, it's true that sometimes you date someone only to find out they are better suited to you as a friend but that wasnt what you were hoping for when you dressed up for your first evening together and strapped on your high heels. You hoped for more and that is why you communicated with them on the site. This guy you are dealing with is trouble with a capital T and deep down you know this so you have to protect yourself and break off all contact. you seem stuck in limbo so I wil say to you what I did to one of my male friends who was in a similar situation ( yes, guys get like this too!) I told him he was obsessing and he agreed. I then told him that the thing was he was obsessed with the idea of it, the attraction and teh attention and the anticipation of it and now the pending loss was tragic. He said "well, yea so what?" Then I said well answer me this
" If you met someone tomorrow wonderful and intriguing and hot in a coffee shop and sat and talked to them for a long time and connected and made plans to go out this weekend could you let go of situation and the idea of the other girl?"
And he said "whoa, yea I could"
You are stuck on a situation and an idea of what you thought it was. It wasnt. Depersonalize it , realize it has nothing to do with some fabulous thing that you might have seen in him and find someone else to focus your attention on. I bet that just like my friend, if there were another person who popped up and got your attention, you would be doing a lot better in this. he told me later that just figuring out that any random person in a coffee shop would have made him feel better was a real light bulb moment for him. He just doesnt like being alone. Could this be true for you? It is for me definitely but I am never alone because my eight year old son makes sure of it!!