STILL WITH MY BOYFRIEND

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
STILL WITH MY BOYFRIEND
4
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 2:53pm
HERE WE ARE STILL TOGETHER IT IS NOW AUGUST. AND WE'RE ARGUING. HE'S NOT RESPONDING TO WHAT I AM TELLING HIM. WE HAVE TO GET A PLACE TOGETHER. TIMES ARE HARD. BUT WE ARE STILL TOGETHER. HE'S STILL DRINKING, AND IN A SHELTER, AND THE HOUSING THAT I HAVE IS NOT TOO COOL. THIS HAS TO CHANGE AND SOON. I'M GETTING TIRED. WE CAMPED OUT IN A TENT FOR AWHILE IN THE NICE PARK BY THE LAKE 2 BLOCKS FROM WHERE I LIVED. BUT THE COPS WALKED UP IN US ONE NIGHT. AND SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME. SO, IT'S NOT TOO EASY. I'M SURE LONELY WITHOUT HIM AROUND, DEALING WITH EVERYTHING. BUT I HAVE TO KEEP MYSELF GOING AS WELL. HE'S SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION, AND MEDICATES HIMSELF, WITH ALCHOHOL. I TOLD HIME TO GET SOME HELP, HE'S NOT RESPONDING, I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE HIM, BUT WHAT AM I GOING TO DO???


Edited 8/19/2004 2:54 pm ET ET by ecc4
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 4:39pm
I understand your desire to help everyone, however there are some people that you just can't help. If this guy you're with can't get it together, how long are you going to stay trying to help him? Have you thought about the fact that he doesn't want to quit drinking or move ahead in life, that it's easy for him now because you are there taking care of things? At what point do you say "I have to make sure MY needs are met first?"

Worry about you and how healthy you are so you can help others. And remember, helping others should feel good, not run you down into the ground.

Accept that no matter what you do for this guy he's not going to change. Move on and find someone who has goals, and works towards them- not clouded by addictions. Stop being a mother hen and go find someone who can spoil YOU. Find a guy who has the passions you do in helping others, and who can take care of you emotionally. Aren't you tired of being EVERYONE else's shoulder to lean on?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 1:50am
what are you doing? sure he needs help, and someone to stay by his side when all this bad stuff is happening to him, but you have to do what's best for you. dont suffer cuz of him, get a job or something too, it'll help alot, get out of that bad place, but dont rush to do this, take your time, it'll all work out in the end...whether you're with him or not. good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 1:37pm
IT'S BEEN MONTHS NOW, AND I AM SURE YOU ARE RIGHT. THE THING IS, THAT WHEN I DO FALL IN LOVE IT GOES ON AND ON. WELL, LIKE THE WHEN A WOMAN LOVES TOO MUCH. I HAVE SUPPORT, BUT IT IS NOT THE RIGHT SUPPORT. HE HAS PUT THINGS ON ME, LIKE I AM SUPPOSE TO FIND THE PLACE TO LIVE. YOU HAVE THE RESOURCES, WHICH I DO, I'M THE ONE WHO HAS THE TAX, NUMBER. BUT IT ISD TIME TO LOOK FOR MYSELF. WHAT IF HE STARTS TO ACT UP, WHEN WE ARE IN THE NEW SPACE. I WONDER. IT WOULD BE A DISASTOR. I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO BE ALONE, BUT I'M ALONE ANYWAY YOU LOOK AT IT. I GUESS I AM MY OWN WQWORSE ENEMY. THIS IS GETTING TOO OLD, AND THE WINTER IS COMING.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 1:44pm
I AM STILL WITH HIM, HE'S NOT GETTING HELP WITH HIS DEPRESSION, HE'S A LONER, AND LIKE TO BE ALONE. I HAVEN'T MOVED YET, EVEN BYMYSELF. THANKS FOR ADVICE, I GET HELP WITH THIS TEMHA, AND I APPLIED FOR SSI, THIS IS A VERY SLOW PROCESS, AND I AM CONFUSED. I GET FOOD STAMPS, AND MONEY, BUT NOT MUCH TO MOVE ON. THIS HOUSE IS UNHINGED, AND I AM SO REALLY BORED WITH IT ALL. THIS GUY, HAS HELPED ME COPE SOME, BUT HE HAS MANY PROBLEMS HIMSELF. I TOLD HIM, I CAN NOT FIGURE YOUR PROBLEMS AND MINE TOO AT THE SAME TIME. GET WITH IT, HE ACTS DYSFUNCTIONAL, AND BLAMES ME. I TOLD HIM TO GET MEDICINE, HE'S NOT DOING IT. I AM GOING TO HAVE TO DO DOMETHING DRASTIC. I CRY ALOT.

LINDA!