Still no call....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Still no call....
24
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 9:00pm

Hi halle, snafu and anyone else who cares to offer some help!

It's been a week since my guy picked that fight and he still hasn't called me. My only contact from him was an email on Thursday that "at some point soon I need to talk with you".

I sent him two emails, one on Tuesday asking just why he was so mad at me, and another Friday asking him to really think about things before telling me goodbye because he would not be getting a third chance. I re-read my email to him and felt sick to my stomach. It sounded almost like I was begging.........I DO NOT BEG FOR ANYONE!

I had plans tonight with a girlfriend of mine but she had to cancel. Now I'm sitting here and my mind is going crazy, my stomach is all in knots, I go from crying to being nauseous.....it's the beginning of sundown. I've been doing so well the past two days, really getting myself together, aka getting mad, and ready to move on. Making sure I don't initiate any more contact. Had a good day today with my kids, went to the beach, dinner with mom and sis etc. Now my kids are at their dads and I'm alone with my thoughts and am beginning to miss him terribly.

So I write here because I have to write something or I may do something dumb like try to call him or email him again and I don't want to come off as desperate. I know it will pass and I will again gain my strength but I don't understand any of this!! We had a great thing going this time around. I ran into a friend of his who assured me it's not me (which I know) and that he is really just a mess from his divorce. His friend was a guy and I don't care how much of a mess he is anymore, it's not right that he is not only ignoring the problem but I feel a HUGE amount of disrespect from someone to whom I only offered love and support through alot of his problems the past seven or eight months, not to mention the friendship we shared for five years before we started dating.

I read a blurb from 'thebethness' on the playing games thread and she said (not a direct quote) it's lack of concern or caring more than manipulation.

That's what I'm thinking now is probably the case. He has no regard for his actions coming in and out of my life like he has, or his kids. I was very attached to his children, especially the oldest son who is not pleased at all with how his dad is treating me. Whatever his damage, I was willing to stick it out for him. I don't want to do that anymore, but I am not ready to let go. Holding on to false hope........just like his empty promises.

Sorry so long, hope you understand. Had to get something out.

Thanks ladies.

PATTY

~Dare to believe in yourself~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:38pm

I can't say this is not the outcome I wanted...deep down. Yes, I love him and I know he loves or at the very least cares deeply for me but timing is everything and he is just not ready. He may never be, with me or anyone. (I've never known him to be a player and date many women at once so I believe this is not one of those reasons) After we BOTH had the time to sort things through, although harder on me with the wondering (but I had you all to help me)I think this outcome is really for the best for both of us.

It would not be healthy for ME to continue on with this relationship as it stands. I need someone who is mentally healthy to carry on a true relationship without my worring when the next break would occur.

We had a great friendship before we dated. Something I never had before (as most of us here on the board in new relationships didn't have) to fall back on. I think after this talk that we will move into an even closer friendship....over time. I can't just go directly into hanging out, or stopping by and I don't do FWB as I believe in exclusivity and know my heart isn't strong enough for such a casual thing. I tried it once with the younger xbf (hey, he was younger and well...younger, heehee)OK for some, but realized not for me.

I really am doing ok. Sad at one ending, happy about starting anew on the friendship. I'm moving on with my life. Yes, I will miss the tenderness we shared, but I think in the long run, to have someone by my side who cares and will always be there in that friendship capacity is the best outcome one could ever dream of. We live in the same town and will no doubt see quite a bit of each other. To not have that awkard feeling is a relief. I know if my truck ever broke down or what ever came up, he'd be there to help me or my kids and I for him and his.

It's summer time, I live by the ocean, so it's time to relax,reflect, be with family and friends and live my life to the fullest. I believe in Serendipity. What is meant to be will be, with whomever, whenever it is meant to be.

I hope my past two weeks of postings has or will help someone along the way. Endings don't always have to be total endings if you are willing to see the good in all of this. This is dating. I have great memories to fall back on,I will allow myself time to heal and will try it again with someone new....someday.

No one ever said it was going to be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Thank you!

PATTY

~Dare to believe in yourself~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 7:06pm
You are really strong to remain friends. I know I couldn't be. Sometimes I think then I come off as the jerk - but I can't be friends, at least right away, with someone I was romantic with. It's just too hard to physically be with them that way because I know how great it was otherwise just the other day, you know? Too weird and too difficult. It sucks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 10:39am

Hi Halle,
No, I can't just go straight to hanging out with him right now, but we had a five year friendship before, know the same people, live in the same town, etc. Someday maybe we can hang like before but not right now. I need time to heal, as does he, and move on with my life.

However, I can go to dinner or the local hang outs and not worry about running into him. If I'm at the bar, or he's at the bar and there are no other seats, I wouldn't hestitate to plop down next to him.

I don't usually keep friendships afterwards. For some reason, this is different to me. THis is ok for me in my healing. He didn't lie to me, cheat on me like others have. He has baggage he can't unload and may never. For that I can't fault him and can't hate him so friends, or some version of it, works for me.

PATTY

~Dare to believe in yourself~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 5:27pm
That sounds good :) I'm glad for you. My boyfriend's perspective right now.. it's totally reasonable and I cant be mad at him for it either.. but of course, I think MY view is better LOL And I'm having a little bit of trouble seeing why he cant see it my way. Sigh. It's really tough. Now we havent spoken in 2 days and he didnt answer my text from yesterday...

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