Still in SHOCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
Still in SHOCK
2
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 10:21pm
Hello, this is my 1st time here and was looking for support other than my friends. Thanks for reading:

I have been dating him for a year and 3 months until I was shocked and still in complete shock since last week. I found out second hand that he was married. I confronted him with it and he told me that he is "legally" married. As you can imagine, my life shattered. He moved out of the house and into the apartment. He told me that he has been separated before we got together and that they are going through the divorce process. He told me that he was afraid of telling me because I may judge him and that I would leave him. He told me that he hated the way I found out and I asked him if he was going to hide this from me forever and he told me that he was hoping to. He tells me that he cares abour me more than he shows it and is afraid of losing me. He tried to tell me several times but was unsuccessful. I can forgive but not forget nor can I ever trust him. Is he for real? I have been a walking zombie for a week now with no light at the end of the tunnel. He was the type of man that you fantasize about but when it happened you couldn't believe it. I am dying inside yet am still in complete shock that I can't cry. What should I do?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kimmielinh
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 11:17pm
I'm sorry for the pain you must be going through. That must have been a huge shock.

I think all you can do is move on. He lied to you about something HUGE for over a year, so how COULD you possibly ever learn to trust him again? And without trust, building a healthy r'ship is well nigh impossible.

I think that counseling to deal with his deception and betrayal would be a good idea. I know when I was lied to in a r'ship, it really did a number on my trust in myself...I couldn't believe I'd been so lacking in good judgment as to be taken in. Counseling helped me get through that.

Sheri



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: kimmielinh
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 11:20pm
What should you do? Simple--dump him. Any person that could keep a secret like that from you is not relationship material, especially after the amount of time you've been together. Further, he's telling you he cares more than he shows but actions speak louder than words. I could tell you right here, right now that I love you and that you are the most amazing person I've ever met. But at the end of the day, that means nothing.

His actions have told you that he's selfish, dishonest and unwilling to open up in a year long relationship. Please don't waste any more time with this guy. You deserve better.