still unclear

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
still unclear
5
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 12:18am
hi, i messaged few days back on the board regarding my boy friend who has got silent. About 22 days have been passed and he has neither contacted me nor returned my calls/messages. All my friends are telling me that its over and that he do not have any intention of coming back. Honestly speaking i am fed up with all this waiting game but the moment i start considering moving on something inside compells me to stop and wait for him. i dont know what is this but my heart says that he will come back and i should give it sometime. Infact i m not clear whether he really has ended all this or not. Tell me what to do?

there is also another guy who seems very sincere and honest and cares about me but when i think of considering him then it feels as if i am deceiving my boy friend.what if he comes back and asked me that why didnt i wait for him? Advice plz.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: serene75
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 7:28am
Relationships have to be a balance of heart and head and if I didn't call someone for 3 weeks or return their calls I would have no right to be upset if that person moved on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: serene75
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 9:52am
I don't know why he stopped talking to you to begin with, but there is absolutely no acceptable reason for his silence after three weeks. It's over and you need to accept it. Waiting for him to call you is foolish.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
In reply to: serene75
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 10:04am
You say “the moment I start considering moving on something inside compells me to stop and wait for him”.

What does “moving on” mean to you? Acknowledging inside that it is over with the boyfriend? Or looking for someone new? You can do the first without the second. You can just be content to be alone for a while and see how your feelings about the old boyfriend go. If he comes back, maybe fine. If he doesn’t, you can get used to the fact that he is gone, and come to terms with it. It probably will take less time than you think.

If “there is also another guy who seems very sincere and honest and cares about me but when i think of considering him then it feels as if i am deceiving my boy friend.what if he comes back and asked me that why didnt i wait for him” I would say you should leave him alone. Because if “he is very sincere and honest and cares about you” he deserves someone who is not secretly pining for the old guy to come back. Frankly, I would be more concerned at this point about being unfair to the possible new guy than deceiving the old boyfriend. If you got involved with the new guy, then the old guy came back, you would really be in a pickle. Because you would have been unfair to the new guy, and you will not really know what to do with the old guy, or either one of them for that matter. It will be a big mess all around.

If and when you let go of the old guy, then you will be in a position to consider the new guy. Of course, there’s always the chance that he’ll disappear too. But I’d say that’s less of a risk than the somewhat forked path you seem to be considering.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
In reply to: serene75
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 10:02pm


thanks! i do think that i need sometime alone to see things more clearly and also to regain my confidence on people again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
In reply to: serene75
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 8:36am
I hope and think that you'll find the time alone is a good thing!