straight man,gay bar?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
straight man,gay bar?
4
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 1:08pm
Help! I met an old boyfriend(from jr high!We are 40) He he lives in long beach,and says he likes to play pool,and its at a nieghborhood gay bar.says its unpretensious,no airs to put on or something like that.I just dont get a straight guy wanting to go hang out at a gay bar to shoot pool.Is he bi or what? says he isnt gay,but i so want to get intimate with him,but this is nagging my brain!!!! Any input on this would be awesome!!P.S. he was married for 8 yrs but wasnt happy,no kids eithier.



thanks ,shelly
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 1:57pm
hmmmmmmm.................. if I were you I would move very slowwwww.....

and if you want to be intimate.. Make sure you and he

uses protection! Ask a lot of questions......

I have heard even guys that say they are not gay or bi,

"enjoy" sex with the same sex. this can be risky with

your health. a lot of men won't admit to being gay...

and hang around gay men... for so call comfort.....

If he is so shy or uncomfortable as to not wanting to hang

around straight people... try to help him. But as a friend.

If this is making you feel uncomfortable......don't push a

relationship with him you may get hurt in more ways then one.

take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 2:09pm
errrr... I don't know many heterosexual men who are comfortable hanging out in gay establishments. I'll bet there are plenty unpretentious "straight" bars and pool halls your friend could go to. And it's funny he should make that comment about going to gay bars where they don't "put on airs."

I don't know, hon .. this sounds like this might be a DL situation (gay, on the "down low") If he goes to a gay bar regularly, I would strongly suspect that he is closet Gay or bi-curious.

In my experience, where's there's smoke, there's almost always fire.

If you do get him to go along with becoming intimate, please be safe! Sex with DL guys is one of the main ways women contract HIV.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 1:11am
This could easily be seen as a Big Red Flag.

It is true that some people can pass through situations and not be "scathed" by them. It is possible that things are exactly as he says. It is also possible that he is a "closet case."

He may not be gay and may have no gay inclinations at all. Then again, he may.

For my money, I'd be concerned about the company one keeps; there is usually a story there. If he is Gay/Bi, etc. he may practice safe sex and be "safe," but, everything in life is relative and I'd look hard at this situation.

The fact is, you have no way of knowing for certain, and that puts you at risk. So, how do you mitigate that risk?

1. Do not pursue this attraction.

2. Pursue it slowly, ask for an HIV test before having an intimate relations.

3. Always use protection.

4. Find out more about him and why he likes the place.

etc., etc., etc.

DO NOT kid yourself; this might be a catastrophic and irreversible mistake, if you do not get all of the information and protection you need before becoming intimate.

Just a thought.

dh

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 8:45am






Hi Shelly

It is a little strange but so is much of life.

,