Stranded in a Sea of Uncertainty

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Stranded in a Sea of Uncertainty
3
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:57pm
I recently broke up with my first-ever boyfriend. He was older than I am by nearly four years, however, we hung out in the same social circle and have most of the same friends. A couple of his best friends date a couple of my best friends. I was completely in love with him. I still am. I know that he has a lot of personal problems in his life, and although I tried to understand and help, I have realised that it was not my place to fix him and I can't try if he won't let me. So he ended things saying he couldn't handle a relationship.

I knew that although I wished we could still be romantic, I could settle for a friendship - as long as he was still in my life. He cannot see it that way and has now started avoided social situations altogether. He rarely sees his best friend anymore (who is my very good friend as well).

I was hurt, but that was a month ago and I decided it was time to move on with my life. Unfortunately I believe I chose the wrong way to do this. I got drunk last Friday and slept with my best guy-friend (who is also his friend, although they are that close). Now I am confused and alone. My girlfriends are confused as well because up until the beginning of summer I had never even kissed a guy! I've made a mess of my life and need help desperately.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 7:59am
cocosaintclair...

Isn't it amazing how FOOLISH we can behave after a few drinks? Emotions and alcohol can be a "deadly combination!"

While Pianoguy is sorry about your break-up, it's IMPOSSIBLE to just become "friends" after you've been in ANY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. You need to give yourselves time and a lot of space before a 'friendship' can happen.

Maybe your first 'real sexual encounter' triggered something in your brain that said: "I gotta have more of this---and I don't care with whom!"

There's no profile on you, but I'm assuming you are a young woman, correct? While you might have felt you screwed up your life forever....YOU DIDN'T...and you'll get past this incident. Your friends have seen one side of you and this latest action (on your part) has probably confused the hell out of them? BUT...

If you don't plan to "kiss and tell" everything about your life to EVERYBODY...you don't have to defend yourself to ANYBODY.

Just try and learn from your mistakes---and not repeat them! Also BE VERY CAREFUL how much alcohol you drink! The last thing you want is to be drunk and in the arms of a sexual psychopath!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 12:05pm
I agree with Pianoguy.

You were emotional and made a bad judgement call, so don't beat yourself up for it, just accept what happened and move on. You're not now destined to be like that, it was a one time thing and you probably won't do it again.

You will get over him and things will get better.

Just be careful with the drinking.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 4:48pm
Thanks very much for your advice. It does make a lot of sense. I have just recently found out, however, that the friend I slept with told my ex about it. Word spreads quickly within my social circle and now it appears that everyone knows. I guess this is what I deserve to get. Luckily my best friends still support me. Thank you again for your help.