strange behavior-- what's this about?
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strange behavior-- what's this about?
| Sun, 08-27-2006 - 7:09pm |
I was reflecting on a relationship that ended last year and I realized that there was something a little bizarre about the guy I was dating. He had quite a few female friends, and I noticed that whenever any of them had a boyfriend, he would always have problems with the boyfriends-- he'd make comments, like, that guy Sue is dating is such a jerk, or, that other guy that my friend Patty is dating, I don't know what his deal is. I've even seen him get into small verbal spats with some of his friend's boyfriends and then-- although it's clear that he was being hostile to them-- he'd say to me later after I'd ask him why he's always fighting with these guys that they were the ones who started with him. i found over the months that in general, he'd always seem to be look to get into verbal altercations with other men, even at work. it seemed to be a pattern that his female coworkers were always "cool" while the males were all always losers.
Now I wonder, what was with this guy? Why was he always hostile towards other men, especially when they were dating his female friends? what makes me laugh now too is that he always found fault with them, but it wasn't like he wasn't any perfect prince charming-- a lot of times, he'd just be cheap with me, or show up late all of the time, or forget to call. why was he so critical of other men? I just see this now as a really big red flag i should have paid more attention to.
Now I wonder, what was with this guy? Why was he always hostile towards other men, especially when they were dating his female friends? what makes me laugh now too is that he always found fault with them, but it wasn't like he wasn't any perfect prince charming-- a lot of times, he'd just be cheap with me, or show up late all of the time, or forget to call. why was he so critical of other men? I just see this now as a really big red flag i should have paid more attention to.

I think it's great that you're reflecting... will help you to avoid it in the future!
As for the guy, I find (and I'm no psychologist) that when a person is insecure they tend to see the negatives in others and attack. The funny thing is that we all tend to notice our flaws in others. So I'm curious--everything he would notice in the other guys, was it a flaw of his own as well?
The fact that he attacks other men and not women leads me to believe that he's not comfortable in his own manhood. Maybe he feels inadequate? Maybe he has desires towards them? It could go a few ways in my mind... Remember women tend to be more nurturing and not as threatening so that's probably why he gravitates towards female friends...
It's hard to pinpoint an answer with him since I don't know him but maybe this will spark something for you. I'm curious to see what other posters have to say!