Strange dating dilema...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Strange dating dilema...
8
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 12:45pm
I've met this guy online back in October, we chatted awhile and went out a couple of times. We lost touch back in December. He had some issues about his ex, feelings or whatever, so i dropped him, and decided to move on. I kept him on my mind and i know i like him. I saw him online, months after but i never talked to him. Last March i initiated conversation with him, we planned on watching a movie, but last minute he couldn't make after finding out his mom had cancer. He told me after this wasn't good timing for him, so i told him i could be there as a friend for him. Last week, he came online,and we decided that night to get together we went dancing and we had a wonderful time. We never slept together, only kissed on the lips...I really would love to have a relationship with this guy, i know he's all i'm looking for. Since then we talked online, and he told me that we defenitely have to go out dancing again, and how much he loved Friday night, and how great i was etc. Now i really want this to procceed, to continue in contact and dating, and to progress it to more. What can i do to make it move forward into more? I really like him but at this point i don't know what are his intentions with me. Should i talk to him about it? I really don't want to seem pushy and scar him away... Please advise me...Thank you all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 3:38pm

It would be fair to ask him in a very general sense, if he wants a relationship as part of his life and/or what kind of relationship he desires.

It is way too early to ask him if he wants a relationship with you at this time. It's only been 1 date. He will want time to get to know you before making that decision. That decision will impact his life priorities so he's not likely to make that important a decision quickly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 4:11pm
spice.man...it was actually 3 dates...and we met last October, and been talking and emailing since then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 4:44pm

OK, you've had 3 dates in approximately 6 months - so what - it doesn't change my original recommendation at all. It is way too soon to expect him to make a decision reflective of a relationship with you. In fact, if this is what you push for, it will create a red flag.

When a woman wants this decision so fast it suggests that she demands a lot of influence and control over the things we value and prioritize in our lives. She is unwilling to let us learn about her character, values, ethics and integrity before she wants to influence and control parts of our life.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 4:49pm

Has he actually asked you out again? That would be the next step...for him to ask you out again.

If he does, then I think a discussion during that date about what he's looking for *in general*, as Spice suggested, would be fine...but even though you've known each other for a while, you've only had 3 dates...it's WAY too soon to be asking him what he wants with YOU.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 4:58pm

I hate to use the p-word but you need patience. You've really only had 1 date so try to chill.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 5:54pm
He has just sent me an email, saying that he has alot of work this month, but that we have to get together soon...that just as he phrased it. How should i respond, without the pressure?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 5:55pm
Tell him the truth, that you are interested in going out with him. Let him make the date. Time together will let you know about each other. good luck
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 6:00pm
"Sorry to hear you have such a crazy schedule this month...you poor thing! Let me know when you are able to get together again...I will look forward to it!"