Strange relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Strange relationship?
1
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 11:34am

Hello!

I am currently seeing a guy that I met at work. He says he loves me but I don't feel like I love him. Well, I love him as a person. He is very caring and affectionate and thoughtful and helpful to me around my apt since I live alone due to a separation I am currently going through. The weird thing is, when I am with him I want to kiss him and hug him but yet I can't seem to say "I love you" and mean it the way he means it when he says it. We have fun together. Sometimes he gets on my nerves. We've been seeing each other for almost a year - going places together, hanging out together in my apt. which often ends up you know where. He lives two towns away and when he comes over he ends up staying over and we sleep together often not doing "anything" because I don't want to do anything I guess because I feel I shouldn't since I can't seem to say "I love you". He knows how I feel. But he's also confused because why do I want to kiss him if I don't love him?

I guess I'm not really totally physically attracted to him. I like a more "brawny-looking" type of guy. But why do I want to kiss him? I guess I want to have a relationship with him but not go "all the way". At least not "full force".

I'm very confused. I don't want to drop this guy altogether but maybe I should. But if I did I would be very lonely because I don't have much family around and a very small circle of friends. Plus he would be very upset if I dropped him altogether. He really loves being around me. He has lots of family around but he still wants to spend lots of time with me. He's always thinking of things for us to do together and places for us to go, etc.

I'm not sure what I am doing. Any ideas or thoughts or comments from anyone? Thanks, so much, in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 4:35pm
Maybe what you want to have is a FWB deal with this guy, where you have friendship, enjoy hanging out and getting out, having sex or fooling around, BUT don't have a committment. You feel attracted to him to some degree because you want to be physical, but you don't feel love for him as in a relationship. He knows that and he keeps on coming back. It's possible that, in his mind, he thinks that by sticking around you'll change your mind. If you want to avoind a heartache ponder about what you want. It's possible that you don't want committment because of your separation? Are you thinking in divorce OR getting back together at some point?