A strange situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
A strange situation
4
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 12:26pm
I'm new here and a big part of me would like to start dating again. Got separated before my DS was born and haven't dated anyone since my XH. DS is already three. It's been a long time. A friend of mine told me last night that she and her H have amicably agreed to divorce. It's been coming for over a year. They just grew apart. There was no abuse, fighting, or anything. they just agreed to move on. This is where I get to the confusing part... She offered to set me up with her XH! I told her that was a little too bizarre for me. She goes into her pitch: Well he's a great guy, he's the right age, he's got his sh** together, they live very comfortably, she's only getting $xyz in child support, he'd treat me like a princess, he's great with kids, he loves curvy women (I'm about 3-4 sizes bigger than she-skinny broad) and she likes me and knows my aspirations and values so she would be comfortable about my being in her kids' lives. She says, "I do want him to be happy and you're a terrific person!" HOLY CRAP!!! What the heck was all that? Here's where it gets even more bizarre. I'm tempted. I haven't been out with a man since my XH and I decided to try to "fix" our marriage. He decided to court me and win me back, which didn't even last a year. That was Dec 1999. You do the math. My priorities are very focused. Finish school, start working in my field, then start saving to buy a house where I can root my kids.

Some of my girlfriends tell me to have a fling or a one nighter. I just can't do that. I know they can, but I'm just not built that way. I've slways been something of a square. *Sigh* Guess we'll just have to see what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 12:39pm
Don't do it! Especially since you say you can't, DON'T. Why do you say *sigh* that you don't want a fling or a one-night stand? I say good for you and too bad for your friends.

What is she up to? I don't know. Maybe she's into threesomes. Ever read the personal ads? There are plenty of women looking for a female to share with their husbands to give them some fun. Don't believe me? Read the ads.

Whatever it is, I'd stay away from it. Until they are really done with each other.

If you're ready to look for a man again, what's holding you back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 1:29pm
Well, you'd be dating your friend's husband, since separated is still married and dating someone who has a particular body type - which would make me feel a little weird too - wait till the divorce is final for more than a year and date him only if you are no longer close with his wife - she is his wife, don't forget that!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 3:50pm
Sounds like a Lifetime movie in the making. That could get really complictated really fast and end up super messy. I'd stay away if I were you. And good for you to have self respect as well as respect for relationships not to have a one night stand/fing. I am the same way as you are and proud of it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 4:42pm
I agree with the other posters that this is a really, really bad idea! And really weird.

I say that even if/when they get divorced, you should think long and hard before getting involved with your friend's ex-husband, and do it only if you are willing to give up your friendship b/c it will likely end. I have no idea what she is thinking trying to set you up with her husband (!), but if you were to take her up on it, now or even after the divorce, I bet she'd resent it.

Years ago a friend set me up with her ex-boyfriend, and our friendship was never the same after that. I dated the guy for 3 months, and lost a friend. Totally not worth it!