Stuck and cant get out
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Stuck and cant get out
| Sat, 11-06-2004 - 10:55pm |
I am new to this board and crying for help. I really need help because i dont think i am going to make it out of this thing alive. well here goes. I like many women fell in love wwith a married man. the difference is that him and his wife are separated and have been for last 3 years thats how long we've been together. we have lived together for 3 years. I was not sleeping with him when he was with his wife i wasnt even interested i just listened to his stories about how she hurt him. I aslo allowed him to cry in my arms when he felt the need to.she found out about us being friends and kicked him out. well 3 years later he is not planning a divorce i have talked about it with him. there's alot of things that has happened in this last three years his wife has been to my job my home she has the phone number to everything she is working hard to get him back and his statement is he's not going back. he begged me not to kick him out the first time we broke up and i messed up and vowed to never send him back to that hell hole. In the beginning it was ok for her to have the phone number because of the 4 children they have together that i tool care of from time to time. I have been going through these bad deppresions because i feel like i'm running out of people to talk to. I talk to his family and i realized one day they were helping him. i dont have a family so i started looking for answers in different places, psychics everything literally desperate to find out why i cant get through to this man. i found out everything i wanted to know and it liked to kill me that yes he comes home everynight but still sleeping with his wife and pullig other females on the side, he got his wife pregnant while we were together and made her get an abortion so i wouldnt find out. The only thing that stopped me from leaving him a long time ago is I fell deep deep in love with this man. I was afraid for a long time to tell him how i feel i finally did and he said some of the most selfish things that you could ever say. he said if this is too hot for you get out of it. He said the average joe would have left me with all these emotional hang ups. I could have crawled in a whole with him saying those things after dealing woth his wife making my life a living hell after taking care of his kids and all but doing the things that his wife should be doing everyday cooking, cleaning, washing. I dont understand the only reason i decided to be with him is because i felt like he wanted to be happy we were JUST friends and he really left his wife. Now i am changing i am HIGHLY DEPPRESED I dont want to do anything i dont want to eat sleep or anything every since i told him how i feel my life has been hell and he acts like nothing EVER HAPPENED


You will get through this alive and will thrive again. You say you fell deep in love with this man but what have you really fell in love with? A guy who is using you to avoid his life? A guy who is telling you you have issues? He is not worth your time or energy. You're depressed because you're not in a healthy relationship! You're in a relationship that is one-sided and in his favor.
It's been 3 years and he hasn't gotten divorced. This speaks VOLUMES. Please listen to the messages--he's not leaving his wife, he's having sex with her and other women, he's using you in whichever way he can. This does not speak to me of a man in love. This speaks to me of a man who thinks he's found a meal ticket.
My suggestion... Go into counseling immediately and start dealing with the reasons that keep you in a relationship like this. Kick his ass out tomorrow. And start doing things to teach yourself how valuable you are.
Good luck.
Edit:
One last thing, train yourself to realize there is no such thing as "can't." There is only want/don't want. It's not that you can't get out, it's that you don't want to for some reason... Those reasons are the key to moving you forward.
Edited 11/7/2004 12:44 am ET ET by bklynchik