Stuck between a rock and a hard place

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Stuck between a rock and a hard place
2
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 9:49am
I am 31 years old. I have been seeing a younger guy (25) for about 2 months now and things are going really well. He makes me laugh and we have lots of fun together and we can talk about anything. We have similar interests and backgrounds. Two problems with him are that he works in the same building as me (but for a different company) and we see each other quite a bit during the day. The other problem is that he was seeing a girl for a few months this year but she has a boyfriend as was stringing him along and he finally gave her up (although he still wants to be friends with her and he does have contact with her). So that's my first scenario.

My second scenario is my ex. We went out for 4 years and broke up 4 years ago. There was no real reason for our break up, it just happened after we started fighting a lot and lost respect for each other and took each other for granted. He still loves me very much and would love to re-visit our relationship and see where it takes us. I am reluctant as I still remember how difficult the last year with him was for me, but I am also inquisitive to find out what he is like now and now that we are both older if things have changed.

He has asked me to visit him for a weekend (he lives up country temporarily) and part of me is keen to go, but another part is very wary of falling into the same trap. And to top it all, I wish I knew where my relationship with the younger guy is going.

Should I visit my ex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 11:13am
I would say no. Meeting him for a coffee at a local coffee shop is one thing- going to his country cottage is another. You go out there, you know he's gonna want to sleep with you. I think you should play it safe, and decline. If he's truly interested in rekindling something, he will respect that and do things differently. Ask him to meet you someplace in the middle, so it's maybe the same distance for you to drive. Otherwise, schedule a night of dinner and dancing some other time.

To be fair though, you will want to talk to this guy you're dating first. You should probably find out if he wants to become more serious. If not, and you're still interested in giving your ex a go, then maybe it's time to move on from him. This guy may be hurt if you decide to just go for a night to your ex's without ending things with him first. Do you agree? I know I would be.

Either way, you need to have a long hard look at the relationship you may be wondering about getting back into. Chances are that YOU have changed and HE has not. Remembering what the bad times were like, and how you say you lost respect for each other, how do you ensure that doesn't happen again? You would be walking into it still hurt from the previous relationship. If he's serious, perhaps he would agree to seeing a therapist with you at the beginning to work out some of the things that did happen?

Good luck and I hope it works out!

Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 4:00pm
Hello farawaygirl!