Stuck in a major rut

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Stuck in a major rut
1
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 1:52am
I feel stuck. I am at a wonderful place in my life right now. I've got a great job that I love, I'm in grad school and finally on track... I feel like I'm finally starting my life and I love it. I have lots of friends who I have a lot of fun with, but they're mostly social friends as opposed to real true friends. I've been single for a year but I've dated a lot so I haven't really minded it... but lately I've really felt an absence of something. I always thought that if my life was really good I wouldn't care about having a boyfriend, but I'm missing it. I'm finding the better things are, the more I want someone to share it with. I don't feel desperate for a boyfriend... but I miss the comfort of having someone I can really be myself around. Trouble is, I've lost all interest in dating. I've been thinking about my ex a lot. We broke things off about a year ago because of distance, life complications, etc. But we did say, "maybe someday it could work..." but things were uncertain then. Things are much better for both of us now, we've been in touch casually, and there's a good chance he'll be moving to my town soon. It was hard to end things last time, and there's no guarantee things would work out this time, so I'm not even sure I should start thinking about it again. But I can't stop thinking about him. I want to be open to possibilities, and I am, but I can't bring myself to actively pursue dating... every time I try, I think about him. I feel stuck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 12:25pm
oh my god - i can totally relate to ur post because i'm going thru similar in many ways feelings (job that i love, casual dating for a year, breakup coz of distance and ex who stayed in touch, relationship that i'm missing but not obsessed over - how incredibly the same!!)The only difference between us is that i'm sure my big awesome love story with ex is in the past (even though i have very warm feelings for him and happy that we stayed friends)

what can i advise u? follow ur heart.. but please make sure not to dive into too many hopes and dreams about ex 2soon-2fast. distance can be manageable as long as couple are willing to make it work - so u two split up for a reason.

maybe u r so 'stuck' in your past that you are not opening your heart fully to those around u? you said you have friends who are more 'social friends' - what keeps u from true friendship? maybe true great guy is just around the corner but u refuse to notice him because of memories of past relationship? just some questions that might help to think it over..