at a stuck point

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
at a stuck point
2
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 5:26pm
I am 22 and have been with my boyfriend since freshmen year of college (almost 4 years). We have been through alot, and we have really grown together and made a lot of progress. Lately, I've been feeling like I need some space, so we are taking a short break from eachother. I'm at a point where i don't really have a reason, but I feel unsure of my feelings for him. I feel like this for a few reasons:

1. We are kind of on different levels. I feel more responsible and ambitious then he is, and I am worried that he won't rise to my level and make priorities in life (although he has been saying he is ready to grow up for quite some time now - there has been some progress with this)

2. This is my longest relationship, and it is hard to deal with losing the initial excitement . I feel like I want more excitement and something new. I find myself craving a sex and the city lifestyle

3. I am worried to settle when I'm so young - What if there is someone better out there, what if there isn't

I feel like I might be uncomfortable with such intimacy, since this is my longest relationship ever. I feel bored a little, and doubting. I feel like I am never satisfied and always want more. But I am unsure if I should leave him or if this is my problem that I need to work out, and that I will have this problem with anyone else I date until I work it out. He really loves me and wants to stay with me. He is so sweet and affectionate, and a good guy. I am so confused. I don't want to lose a good guy that I love, but lately, its hard for me to feel love for him. I feel so clouded with my thoughts on things. Any advice? - confused and unclear

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
In reply to: nikki_ut
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 5:34pm
If you really like this guy, you could try counseling. I know alot of couples who have been together and start to lose that flame they once had. For some the counseling has helped, and some it has not. You might look into it. Good luck :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: nikki_ut
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 7:53pm
Perhaps the two of you are just growing up in different directions, and there's nothing wrong with that. Instead of fantasizing about what your life COULD be like, maybe you need to go out there and MAKE it that way. Move to the big city, land a great career and date a few men to see what's out there.

It's great that the two of you have been together in a solid relationship for so long, but sometimes there is a point where you have to step back and say, "I am moving past this stage in my life."

Maybe a clean break from your bf is needed at this point. A break where you can both say that things ended on a good note, and remain friends when a little time has passed. You don't want to tell him that you want to go date a bunch of other men. You don't want to rush off to date a bunch of other men either. What you do need to do is sit down with yourself and list all the goals you have for yourself and figure out what you need to do to make them happen.

I hope that you reach those goals and that you end things with your bf before you hurt him.

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