Sucky Bday gift, am I wrong?
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| Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:25pm |
Help, what to do?
I am trying to understand this and I need some outside help. If we were together for a year and a half what would be you're idea of a BDay gift for me? I love Bdays and holidays, I try so hard to make people feel extra special and I do consider myself to be extra thoughful all the time. I always do stuff for him, get him cards or make sure I have treats he likes, got his kids gifts to give him for Fathers day & helped them make cards. I always try to do little extra things I think he will like. He is not like this as far as romantic on things. I have asked and hinted several times about what I would like, like a card for no reason and stuff like this. I love surprises, giving and getting and he knows this. I never really ask for anything, just kinda hope the mood might strike or he'll follow my lead and he'll do it.
For my Bday we went to dinner, he did send me a funny ecard and he bought me this ice cream cake. I was disappointed. He felt like us spending time together was thoughtful enough. He turned off the computer and phone, which is a miracle in itself. I just felt like it was a day that we would do any other time. Yes I wanted to spend time with him and that was wonderful, I just wanted more thought to go in to it. Does that make sense? I wanted to feel special becuase I do lots of special things for him all the time. He does do things every now and then. I just thought with it being my Bday and a special day that he would step it up to something else or something different. I didn't need a piece of jewerly. But I would have liked a real card or maybe a picnic. I loved spending the time with him, I just wanted him to think of something different, fun and creative. Is it wrong to want more or think I deserve it when I give to him all the time?
For his Bday I mailed a card for fun and decorated it, becuase he was celebrating it with his family and we did our thing a different day. I thought about what he needed most at the time.....a massage! It was perfect, he loves them and hadn't had one in a long time. I set all it up, met him in the city and took him to the place. I picked him up afterward. It was all about him! I emailed him all day, called and left him messages.................I surprised him with dinner at El Serrano cause I knew he wanted to try it. I was excited becuase I knew he would be surprised.....................................
What do you think? Is it wrong to want somebody to go an extra mile to make you feel special for your bday, when it's not something they don't do on the norm but you have told them you would like more of? He thinks I'm being one sided and not seeing his point and that I'm not grateful. I am very grateful for the dinner and the cake. I love spending time with him, I am happy to do anything with him. I guess I just wanted him to make me feel extra special that day. I just wanted more thought and planning to go in to it. I just wanted him to think, gee she's gonna love this and I felt like , hey this was easy.................
Just curious, all insite is appreciated!


Happy birthday!
I understand what you're saying, but remember, everyone is different. If it was a miracle that he turned off his phone, then perhaps that was significant for him. I would be more upset if he usually went above and beyond and didn't this time. Sure, I can see why you would have preferred more of a "big deal" or even a gift gift, but some people just don't do that.
~Kelly~
You really do like to go above and beyond when it comes to birthdays and making someone feel special. However, not all people are like you. Have you tried being very specific with this guy as to your needs? For instance, have you said, "when it comes to holidays I would really like a greeting card hand signed by you instead of an ecard?" Sometimes people need detailed information as to our needs. Have you asked him what he would like? You are assuming that his needs are similar to your needs. You may be surprised that this guy just needs a cake and a card to be happy. Not very romantic, I know, but that is who you may possibly be dating. If his needs are very simple you can then cut back how you express love to him and maybe your resentment would lessen because you wouldn't feel you are going above and beyond all the time without it being returned to you.
If he doesnt cut it in the romance dept and that is important to you, you will always be unhappy with him. He may never change so you need to consider all of your options especially if a romantic spirit is a dealbreaker to you.
Hi and thanks!
Yes actually he didn't get me anything for Valentines Day. I git him a nice card and a box of candy that he really likes. I talked to him about it then and tried not to make a big deal out of it. We have been together for a year and a half. I have said wow I would really like a card or if you text me like you used to during the day. A few times he has done things so I make a huge deal out of it and build him up. I am ok with doing stuff for him, I don't mind. I just hoped he would remember that when my Bday came around and make me feel special to.