Sudden phone call
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| Mon, 02-27-2006 - 11:44pm |
I'm hoping someone can shed some light for me.
I met this guy last month and we went on two fantastic dates. We weren't by any means rushing things - I wasn't on him all the time nor was he - it was just great conversations, excellent company. Things were going well - or so I thought. And then he pulled the "disappearing act" -- he stopped calling all of a sudden, ignored my calls, etc. I didn't hear from him for three weeks. I know he's incredibly busy with work but it doesn't take much to pick up the phone for just 5 minutes to say hello. Then the other night, out of the blue, he called me. Said that he hadn't talked to me in awhile and wanted to see how I was doing. He apologized for breaking a date at the last minute. He asked how I was, what was new, what my plans were for the weekend, etc. - as if nothing was wrong between us. And as we were hanging up, he quasi-asked me out -- said that if I was going to be in a particular area over the weekend, I should give him a call and if he wasn't entertaining clients, we should meet up for drinks. And every time I said no, he asked again...this went on several times. Needless to say, I didn't call him.
What I don't understand is why he called me. I was positive that he had lost interest...I mean, why else didn't he call? It's not like we were that close to begin with and I don't think guys usually call a girl just to say hi if they don't want anything more. I'm completely confused by his phone call. Why did he call me? Is he still interested?
The sad thing is that I'm still slightly interested in him - he's unlike any man I've ever met.
What do you think it meant? Any advice would be great!!

If that happened to me (and it has, ha!), I would assume that he met someone else in the interim and was pursuing her and things didn't work out so he's coming back around and taking a 2nd look at me.
Whether you give him another shot is up to you...sometimes I do, sometimes I don't...but now that I think of it, I can't remember any time that giving the guy another shot has worked out.
Sheri
Who knows why men do the things they do. I have come to realize, that men are not really complicated. "US" women, make things complicated for no reason. We are always analyzing, and disecting issues, until we are mentally sick. When we figure out how too deal with men, we would all be in a better place when it comes to them.
For just my two cents, why he stopped calling is a mystery, but you shouldn't waste anymore time figuring out why? If he's interested in you, he will pursue you, and will tell you. There won't be any games being played. You wouldn't have to figure out his behavior, because he would be showing you that he's interested in you. Girl, don't bother calling him. If he wants to ask you out, then he will. He didn't specifically ask you to go out with him, he hinted around. Wait until he makes the next move, if he does. If you want to hang out with him, and you already know and accept his moral compass, then what he does will never affect you. It's your call!!! Your laying the foundation now in your life, on how you want to be treated by men!!! Lay that ground-work, and once the job has been completed, you will never allow anyone to ever step wrong!!!!!
I wouldn't waste time on thinking about why he did what he did. He did it b/c you weren't a priority. I find guys do these out-of-the-blue calls when the main attractions have faded and now they need to go to their backburners, if you know what I mean.
Honestly, anyone who didn't think enough of me to cancel a date or keep in contact would not rate another date in my book unless there was a really fantastic, out-of-this-world reason as to why they disappeared such as they were buried alive and were just found by police, ya know? ;o)
I wouldn't necessarily think he's dating someone else, but clearly by ignoring your calls (with no reason given) and breaking a date at the last minute (and then acting like everything's just fine) indicates kind of a controlling attitude...it sends a message that he'll be available when he's darn ready, and on his time. I don't like it. Not in friends, and def not with someone I'm dating.
I've had people do the same things, but they gave valid reasons for their behavior, and apologized profusely...then it's a little different. Things happen in life, and I think it's good to maybe give people the benefit of the doubt and a second chance from time to time. But I don't like the sociopathic vibe I'm getting from your description of this guy's behavior.
He has some interest but it's clearly not priority. Certainly if he wants to ask you out he's got to do it in a proper, not half hearted way and you'd need to make crystal clear that you're cautious, will not allow yourself to be treated with lack of respect- i.e.: disappearing act, not returning calls and if he does it to you again, it's second time down for the count.
trust and respect are cornerstones of a relationship, if he acts in ways that show he's not giving you either in the early stages of a relationship, you should not proceed to the next one