summer flings
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summer flings
| Sat, 06-09-2007 - 3:44am |
I wanted to get y'alls opinions/experiences on summer flings. Do you think they're 99% always going to be fleeting? Do you believe in real connections that you think could/should be extended past summer fling? When should you hold on and when should you let it go? What if you've never met a person like this in your entire life and they are the most amazing thing ever???? LOL Oh no...
You know the fight or flight tendency? My tendency is flight. I'll try and come up with reasons to end it... like oh remember that one day where he blew you off and didn't call you back? What a jerk! Ha! Even though it was just one time and he made it up to you and never did it again LOL And then make-up other excuses... but then what if this is once in a lifetime and you're letting go of something really special? Ok, time for me to stop rambling and let you take over...
You know the fight or flight tendency? My tendency is flight. I'll try and come up with reasons to end it... like oh remember that one day where he blew you off and didn't call you back? What a jerk! Ha! Even though it was just one time and he made it up to you and never did it again LOL And then make-up other excuses... but then what if this is once in a lifetime and you're letting go of something really special? Ok, time for me to stop rambling and let you take over...

Summer flings are great as long as you can go with the flow and understand that at the end of the summer you say goodbye knowing that you may never see or hear from him again.
When I met my first husband he was home from college for the summer and we dated. Unfortunately his father was dying of cancer and part way through the summer he made a decision to stay at home with his mother and transfer colleges. I didn't know he was planning that until he said it. So there you have a situation that led to something more. That summer romance was the only that materialized into something more for me, but you never know.
Since you don't like fast moving lovey dovey stuff, a summer romance may not be right for you. The reason I say that is because flings and summer romances can mean that you both are very affectionate and loving with each other even though you both know it will end. Those types of relationships are usually very nice because people tend to be very open and kind to each other. To stifle that energy is counterproductive to having a fling. You have to be able to give freely in order to enjoy it without expecting anything afterwards.
"Do you believe in real connections that you think could/should be extended past summer fling?" -- sure.
"When should you hold on and when should you let it go? " -- I think that it would be something you just know inside. It's kind of like love you just know it. If there is a real connection and chemistry and he actively keeps up communication you may want to stay in touch with the guy, but it takes two to "not let go" for something like that to grow into something else. Let's remove my first husband from the equation. There was only one other person I kept in touch with after the romance was over, for a long time, about a year. I knew it was never going to materialize into anything real after that summer, but it was nice to hear from him during that time.
"What if you've never met a person like this in your entire life and they are the most amazing thing ever???? " -- I think you answered your own question, but if you meet someone special it will hurt to let them loose after the summer, but you have to be brave, and know that you will survive the hurt.
"You know the fight or flight tendency? My tendency is flight. I'll try and come up with reasons to end it... like oh remember that one day where he blew you off and didn't call you back? What a jerk! Ha! Even though it was just one time and he made it up to you and never did it again ." -- I am not into self sabatoge, so I can't relate to that reflex that you have. I tend to be open to experiences that really do hurt me but but I do it anyway because that is what I am usually compelled to do. I'm not saying I purposely walk into situations where someone I know is bad for me and will hurt me. I'm saying that I am usually open to people and their affects on my heart. So I will jump into a fling (knowing I'll hurt when its over) where most people want the so-called security of a "relationship". Meanwhile I have nice memories of my guy while these other women are finding out about affairs that their men have had.
"Even though it was just one time and he made it up to you and never did it again." -- I agree, I don't like it when people treat me like I am used Kleenex. But there is a difference between being blown off because of a reason that prevented the person from reaching you combined with him not knowing how important it was to you that he contact you (misunderstanding) and being blown off because he feels you don't deserve any better from him. I use the phrase "being blown off" for either situation, I know, not good, but that's what I do.
"but then what if this is once in a lifetime and you're letting go of something really special?" -- well, you can't let that happen.
Thanks, Snaf. That was an awesome reply, as usual. Well, I guess it doesn't matter at this point because I've acted like a total psycho and probably blew it with him. Yah, life sucks - ha! I've just been stressed out and we were talking on the phone and I acted needy and what not. I HATE people like that too! And I am never that way! I'm just stressed and it manifested itself that way! Anyway, I've not heard from him all day so I dunno. Now I'm paranoid. They are stages you know. Then I get pissed and then I don't want to talk to him anymore. And I hate excuses. I don't care what it is. I told him if he blows me off again we are done. He gets two of them and we're finished, I don't talk to you anymore.
I wouldn't say you blew it yet. Maybe if you are stressed and he calls, just ask if you can call him right back because you were in the middle of something and then...take some deep breaths and recenter your thoughts so that the conversation can go well.
How exactly did he blow you off?
I’m an easy-going girlfriend and I don’t sweat the small stuff, but when I’m stressed, my insecurities surface. And I hate needy people. I know I’m human, but I hate being vulnerable. I’m a very independent person. I honestly have a problem relying on people. I dunno if it’s a trust issue so much as that I like not needing anyone for x-y-z. It’s like, I can do stuff myself, you know? I don’t need you for this or that. I don’t need you to be happy, I am fine without you. So when I act insecure, it is very foreign to me and I’m like.. wait, I don’t care about this, why am I acting this way.. it throws me off (lol)
So he proved himself to be the guy I love. I just need to remember that he loves me too.
I would get pissed too if he forgot to call me when we had plans.
No one likes being vulnerable or feeling insecure but it happens...always at an inconvenient moment, hehe.
I am independent too, generally, but it doesn't mean that I don't want love or someone to care about me. It's tough when you are capable and strong and there is no one around to soften those blows that come with life. Everyone thinks that you are so strong that you dont' need someone, when that is wrong - everyone needs someone. But that's not being needy. So when you say, "And I hate needy people", don't include yourself in there.
"I don’t need you to be happy, I am fine without you. So when I act insecure, it is very foreign to me and I’m like.. wait, I don’t care about this, why am I acting this way.. it throws me off (lol)" -- that's probably your defense mechanisms getting into a snit because it sucks sometimes to have to admit that someone got to you, but its okay, as long as he doesn't rub in your face TOO often, hehe - men like to do that to women - don't think I don't know that, cuz I do. Also, it may be foreign to you because it only happens when you are dating someone...that is how it comes across to me in your post. Correct me if I am wrong.
"I honestly have a problem relying on people. I dunno if it’s a trust issue so much as that I like not needing anyone for x-y-z." -- I understand how you feel. For me, I don't rely on people much because my past experiences have taught me that people don't come through for you. I also tend to pick and choose the favors I need so that I know I am not a burden on anyone, because people LOVE you when you never ask for any help, but the minute you do...again...I have experienced this and witnessed other going through this...you become a pain. It's kind of the same thing as when things are good, you have tons of friends and your phone never stops ringing. But go through a hardship or a tragedy and the phone stops ringing. People are fair weathered, so I would just as soon, take care of myself. At least I know I wont let myself down.
But, I would get annoyed too if someone called me and needed my help for every little thing (I have seen women do this to men and I don't know how they didn't jump out of their skin), so I try to not be that person and I'm okay with it because I like knowing I can do things myself, if I am in that situation. Well, when I had friends here, I tended to not call them for help because it would disrupt the family routine or they made such a big deal about it that I felt uncomfortable.
"So he proved himself to be the guy I love." -- how did he do that? You don't mention that in your post. "I just need to remember that he loves me too." --- that's a smart thing to keep close to you. Why do people always feel or think the worst? Is it easier to do so? Or is just a way to never get completely happy so you have something to gripe about? I think there are some people who are happy being unhappy.