summer plans

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
summer plans
8
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 3:42pm

Hello. I know that several of you already know my dating situation so I will make this brief. I've been seeing someone about 6 weeks and it's been going really really well. The problem is is that we're going to be separated for 8 weeks for a work-related research trip I have going on.

He made an offer to visit me while I was away but it seemed like just too much responsibility on my part -- him paying $1100 to spend 6 days with someone he's only known a short time. I had a hard time accepting him doing that and now he's not going to and I feel a lot of pressure off of me.

I'm thinking I might cut my trip short by about 12 days. It wouldn't upset my work plans -- it would cost me only about $200 to do so. I would like to spend more time with him this summer and do some of the weekend trips we've been talking about -- if I had met him before making my work plans, I would have made the trip much shorter. If I chose to do this, it would totally be my responsibility and my choice, but now I feel he's sort of freaked out by a feeling of responsibility.

I don't know what to do. It seems like we can't figure this out. Maybe I should just go as planned and we'll just pick up where we left off in 8 weeks. It just seems like such a LONG time to be apart at this point and I'm not going to enjoy myself in the same way I would've if we never had met. It's going to be difficult to be away so long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: luky4elle
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 5:00pm
Look, take the pressure off the poor guy. 12 days isn't such a long time in the grand scheme of things. Just use the phone and email, be positive and upbeat, and this guy will be there when you get back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: luky4elle
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 7:03pm

I think you're both starting to over think this WAY too much. Just relax, do what you have to do and work things out as you go. A little while apart won't kill you both, if he doesn't visit you while you're away. If it kills the relationship, then it wasn't meant to be anyway. If you have something good, you'll be able to sustain it, despite the time apart.

Stick to your plans and just let things happen. Stop thinking so much!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: luky4elle
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 7:31pm

I agree with the others...just go! If it's meant to be, it'll be fine when you get back, regardless of whether you stay the extra 12 days or not. I don't think you should change anything about your trip, at least not at this point.

8 weeks really isn't that long in the whole scheme of things.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
In reply to: luky4elle
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 6:09am
Well I guess the verdict's in on that one! Now it's just about trying to relax, enjoying myself (I'm going to be in the Mediterranean, afterall) and keeping in touch with this wonderful man as best we can. And then pick things up where we left them off at the end of July ;-( ...that seems so far away!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: luky4elle
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 10:07pm
Go on the trip, keep in contact and keep everything else loose - if you spontaneously decide to come home early, so be it. But both of you need to concentrate on enjoying each other now and not put so much emphasis on the trip. It should help.
,
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
In reply to: luky4elle
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 11:25am

I decided to go ahead and stay for the entire trip and committed myself to that last part of it when there's a conference that might be useful and interesting for me to attend. Like another poster said, 10 days isn't all that much time difference anyway.

Since I've only known this guy 6 weeks, how much/often/would you suggest staying in touch? Would emailing back and forth each day be too much? Maybe calling twice a week or maybe once is more appropriate.

Also, do you think it would be too much to ask him if he can pick me up from the airport? It's going to be 9pm on a Sunday night which I know is sort of late -- but at least the traffic won't be too much.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: luky4elle
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 11:51am

Where you thinking of asking him NOW about the airport, or closer to the date? I think asking someone you've been dating such a short time to commit to something down the road like that wouldn't be cool--who knows what your status with each other will be then?

As for keeping in touch, how much contact do you have now? I think about the same amount or a little less would be appropriate.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
In reply to: luky4elle
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 12:09pm

Thank you, Sheri. Good point about the airport thing, I'll wait to closer to the date.

This is making me anxious (as I'm sure it's obvious) and I'm working very hard to shake those feelings and focus on how much fun this trip will be and also just enjoy getting to know this person better -- albiet from over 1000 miles away.

I've had some major heartbreaks in the past with long distance components to relationships. I'm making MUCH different choices about who to let into my life these days (thank God!!) and that should be enough to calm me, but I still find the old feelings coming up from old situations.

Deep breath...