survived the xmas party,but .....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2005
survived the xmas party,but .....
2
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 10:08pm
Hi again.Last time I was confused about this guy who came over a few times,and then when I put the brakes on making out I havent heard from him.Well,I saw him at the office x-mas party.And today at work I've actually came face to face with him twice.Neither one of us said a word to each other about what "didn't" happen.Actually we havent said ONE word to each other since he left last Wednesday.It's been over a week since we've even said hello in the morning.So I'm still confused because I'm having a hard time understanding: Why did the guy put so much time and effort in getting to know me then drop me sooo fast! I've never had to deal with this before.At least not in the beginning of something.How do I handle this? If I call him,I would look pathetic.But at the same time I have no closure because we arent speaking.And I guess if he was interested or really cared he would have said something by now,right? So,bottom line he was just trying to have sex?Thats all it was all along????I need to put this to rest but it's hard because I see him at work everyday,and it hurts a little. Any advice out there? You all gave great advice last week!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 11:44pm

Hi breezy,


I'm so sorry you hae to go through this. It's really a hard position to be in. I'll try to answer your questions...


<<How do I handle this?>> You're handling it perfectly. Don't contact him. Don't run after him. Don't bother with him. He's not worth your time!


<> Closure does not come from someone else. It comes from within you. You'll have closure because you closed it off... see what I mean?


<> If there were true feelings, I think he would have yes.


<<So,bottom line he was just trying to have sex?Thats all it was all along????>> Not necessarily. Maybe he truly liked you but then his ex came back. Maybe he just wanted sex. Maybe he thought he could have something with you and then decided against it. The point is there are 100 reasons as to why. But the thing is, all that matters is what is. What is is that he is not looking for anything more with you.


My advice is to get all your courage together and move on. This guy is not worth your time, efforts or energy. You deserve a man who will be completely into you. And he is not the one!


Hope this helps.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 7:18am

Trying to get "closure" sometimes can do more harm than good. IMHO, this guy was determined to get laid. Even if you had had sex with this man he might still not be speaking to you and it would hurt all the more.

Therefore, it is time to put this incident behind you. His character is weak and that is all you need to know, no explanation necessary. But what I do want you to do is practice smiling and acting cheery in the mirror. When you see him give him a big smile and say hello. No need to give this guy any indication that he caused you any harm.

Good luck.