Sweating him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Sweating him!
21
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 9:45am

I've recently begun dating my tennis instructor. I took a few lessons with him last summer and we hit it off, had a mild flirtation, but kept it at that, as I was involved with someone else, and our rapport was just friendly overall. I've taken another two lessons this month, and now that my relationship has ended and I am single, the flirtation was back and we wound up deciding to go out for a drink. (By the way, I am not taking any more lessons with him, that I'd decided before anything happened, so no conflict of interest or seeing him other than any dates we go on). He's nice, he's fun, and it's easy and unstressful since we know each other.

We went out last Thursday and had a great time, and again this past Sunday. He said he'd call Monday or Tuesday to try to schedule a date for this weekend, but no word from him so far. He knows I'm busy Saturday, so I assume Friday would make the most sense to get together. So, now it is Wednesday and I have not heard from him and am starting to sweat him a little. I think he's into me -- on Sunday he joked about his roomies asking when they got to meet me, etc. -- but I am not entirely sure. And now that I haven't heard from him when he said he'd call, I'm doubting it more. Am I just getting all wound up about this for nothing? Should I just sit tight and see if he phones tonight? If I don't hear from him tonight or Thursday, do I take the hint that he's not into it or do I give him a call at that point (say Thursday) and see what's up? This is so middle school but I don't know what to do!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
In reply to: erin94402
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 10:39am

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You didn't say your ages but if he is living with roommates I'd say still young. Younger guys will sometimes back off if they get too much ribbing from their buddies - its immature but it happens. people do what they do. That said, it doesn't excuse him from not doing what he said he'd do. And yes, you are getting too wound up over it - you don't have a relationship wiht the guy and you are making it too personal and too important for what it is - you've dated a few times, flirted a bit, if something happens between you it does - but for now, just enjoy the moments as they come with him or anyone.

Whether or not this gets you all bent out of shape and anxious is your choice. IN the grand scheme of things, if he flakes or ghosts, he's doing you a huge favor. Taking it personally, making it a huge deal and all that serves no purpose.

As far as what to do - my experience is that a guy who doesn't do what he says hewill do is showing you that he doesn't want to be someone you come to rely on for any reason. He's showing you who he is. You could call him and ask him what the deal is - but think about this from a logical standpoint - if you have to call him to ask him why he didn't call you - is he REALLY someone you want to give your time and effort to? Someone who's interest in you is questionable? Let this one go - and if you hear from him in a couple of days CLEARLY tell him that you expect people to do what they say they will do - he didn't and that's not ok. If you don't do this - you are giving him free reign to treat you disrespectfully.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: erin94402
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 12:19pm

I agree with tonitoons on this point: "As far as what to do - my experience is that a guy who doesn't do what he says hewill do is showing you that he doesn't want to be someone you come to rely on for any reason. He's showing you who he is. You could call him and ask him what the deal is - but think about this from a logical standpoint - if you have to call him to ask him why he didn't call you - is he REALLY someone you want to give your time and effort to? Someone who's interest in you is questionable? Let this one go - and if you hear from him in a couple of days CLEARLY tell him that you expect people to do what they say they will do - he didn't and that's not ok. If you don't do this - you are giving him free reign to treat you disrespectfully."

If someone doesn't follow through then he is clearly communicating that he doesn't want you to rely on him for whatever reason..and do you really want that? Unless he or someone in his family had a medical emergency and he lost track of time yesterday, then there really is no excuse. I wouldn't sit tight. I would make other plans and forget this guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
In reply to: erin94402
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 2:17pm
The top-notch advice in here continues to amaze me... I take from it everyday! Lovz y'alls! Um yah, so totally right of course. If he's not calling then he must not be that excited about it and whatever to him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
In reply to: erin94402
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 2:41pm
Thanks all. He's been pretty good with comm so far...called to make date, called to confirm night before, texted the day after, called that night, called two days later to confirm second date. Good history of comm so far. But....I am just sweating it now. Unsure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
In reply to: erin94402
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 10:39pm
Talk about sweating someone... that's me! Hehe. I suck *sigh*
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
In reply to: erin94402
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 9:33am

So, Wednesday came and went without a peep. Thursday now. I'm miffed, I'll be honest. Sunday we had fun, he made future references -- me meeting his roommates, things we should do together -- and he was the one who said he had a great time, asked if I was around this weekend, said he wanted to see me again and said he'd call to make plans. And then nothing. I don't think I read into this wrong...but he just did the ghost thing. The plus is that I have been unsure of it all and haven't gotten too far with it. But still, it stinks.

I was the aggressor by suggesting we go out in the first place. I don't want to throw myself at him and seem desperate by calling now. He said he would, he said when and he didn't. No matter how busy a week a guy has, if he's into a girl and says he wants to see her and will call, he will find a way to call, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: erin94402
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 10:01am

He said he'd call and probably things came up and he just hasn't gotten around to it. But I'm a big believer in training someone to be his word. He said he'd call Monday or Tuesday and didn't so you go ahead and make plans and when he does get around to calling you'll say, darn I wish there was time this weekend to get together but when I hadn't heard from you by Tuesday when you said you'd call I made other plans. I hope there's another time to get together.


He should get the hint not to take you for granted


,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
In reply to: erin94402
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 10:01am
Exactly right. I can relate to almost every post I am reading now *sigh* Yah, time to break up with my boyfriend...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: erin94402
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 10:35am
"No matter how busy a week a guy has, if he's into a girl and says he wants to see her and will call, he will find a way to call, right?" -- yes, you are correct. If a guy really really wants you he will not allow you to slip through his fingers into someone else's arms. I have had to remind myself of that in the past and I'm sure into the future as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: erin94402
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 10:41am
But why would you want someone in your life who just "didn't get around" to calling you?

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