Sweating him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Sweating him!
21
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 9:45am

I've recently begun dating my tennis instructor. I took a few lessons with him last summer and we hit it off, had a mild flirtation, but kept it at that, as I was involved with someone else, and our rapport was just friendly overall. I've taken another two lessons this month, and now that my relationship has ended and I am single, the flirtation was back and we wound up deciding to go out for a drink. (By the way, I am not taking any more lessons with him, that I'd decided before anything happened, so no conflict of interest or seeing him other than any dates we go on). He's nice, he's fun, and it's easy and unstressful since we know each other.

We went out last Thursday and had a great time, and again this past Sunday. He said he'd call Monday or Tuesday to try to schedule a date for this weekend, but no word from him so far. He knows I'm busy Saturday, so I assume Friday would make the most sense to get together. So, now it is Wednesday and I have not heard from him and am starting to sweat him a little. I think he's into me -- on Sunday he joked about his roomies asking when they got to meet me, etc. -- but I am not entirely sure. And now that I haven't heard from him when he said he'd call, I'm doubting it more. Am I just getting all wound up about this for nothing? Should I just sit tight and see if he phones tonight? If I don't hear from him tonight or Thursday, do I take the hint that he's not into it or do I give him a call at that point (say Thursday) and see what's up? This is so middle school but I don't know what to do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
In reply to: erin94402
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 10:42am
Mhm. Yep. I wouldn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
In reply to: erin94402
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 9:24pm
Still no word, so the hint has been taken. I resisted the urge to call and took his number out of my cell, tossed his card. Part of me does want to find out what went down, but the other part knows that you all are right -- that this isn't worth the time or effort. It does sting to think something is going one way and then get blindsided. Especially since I don't think I misread him at any point. But, these things happen. Best of luck to you all -- I hope you don't have to go through this situation, too. It is very aggravating!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: erin94402
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 9:53pm

I'm sure you didn't misread him. I'm sure he encouraged you to think and feel the way you did. Men can be very cruel and careless with our hearts.

It's fine that you didn't call him because he wasn't worth it. Unfortunately you have dedicated too much time, energy and tears towards this man already. It also puts another kink in your faith in men. I'm sure you are curious and one day you might find out why he did what he did, but you will be unimpressed, I'm sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
In reply to: erin94402
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 10:36am
Thanks, Snafu. It is disappointing that this guy did this. Especially someone I know...he wasn't a random in the bar or anything. But someone I've known for a year, who seemed totally reliable, cool, everything. It's just disappointing. We're adults here, cmon! As my first foray into dating -- when I really didn't want to -- after a very hard breakup of an incredible two-year RL, it is simply disappointing. It is so hard not to become skeptical, jaded and closed off in these situations.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
In reply to: erin94402
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 11:23am
I'm sorry, Erin. You said you hope this doesn't happen to anyone else, but unfortunately it happens to every single person. To me, the key thing is not maybe that he changed his mind about you. We do that with men as well. You go out, have a good time, but then somewhere you change your mind maybe. The disrespectful and cowardly thing is not expressing this somehow to the other person and just disappearing. I never do this. I'm always upfront and say, I'm not interested - we don't have anything in common - or whatever reason I have for not wanting to go out with them anymore. I've found that most men are extremely cowardly and just avoid. Of course, who wants that type of person anyway, right? But it still hurts and it's still maddening to be left wondering. I hate it too, but it's either be a stalker trying to contact them and find out why (this is desperate) or just live with it, let it be, and know that they suck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: erin94402
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 11:41pm

I know, you tried to be careful and dated someone you knew for a while and still got similar results to someone you could meet in a bar. Your first dating experience after a break up and it goes this way? That is a huge disappointment. I read somewhere that men sometimes dont call to test a woman, not just to blow her off and break up in a cowardly way. If that is true, that they do that to test us...what babies they are!! Only an immature idiot does something like that. Imagine dating someone whose need for an ego boost is more important that your feelings? How horrible.

It is okay if you feel hard, closed off and jaded. That is where you are right now. Maybe if you were not ready to date, then you should listen to your gut and take some time to heal from the long term relationship ending. Sometimes when you "get back out there" too soon you end up with more hurt that you have to deal with because the dating world is treacherous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
In reply to: erin94402
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 8:42am

"I'm sure you didn't misread him. I'm sure he encouraged you to think and feel the way you did. Men can be very cruel and careless with our hearts."

Snafu hit it right on the mark. He is the one who was making "future" plans, however near future they were and then just dissapeared. Out of sight out of mind.

Good for you to not call and take his number out of your cell.

Don't give up on dating. Be true to yourself always and you'll find the right one. You have a long life ahead of you so don't rush it!

Patty

PATTY

~Dare to believe in yourself~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
In reply to: erin94402
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 12:10pm

Just a random update on the disappearing guy...a colleague who takes lessons from him (and knew I had too, but knows nothing of our situation) just mentioned that he'd scheduled a lesson with him this week. So, I know he's not in a ditch somewhere, but rather, is simply lame.

I am more aggravated than upset over this. It's more the situation than him as a person. I guess it's just disappointing overall...very much a "what the" kind of situation that is boggling to me.

Part of me still does want to find out what happened, but I don't think my pride will let me call or email. Frustrating, very frustrating. Thanks again for everyone's input here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
In reply to: erin94402
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 2:53pm
Yah, so, of course you know the biggest mistake would be to contact him in any way whatsoever. I mean, do you really need someone to go point for point why they don't like you? That's brutal anyway. He has shown with his actions not only that he's not interested, but that he's a coward. You don't want that kind of guy anywayz. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: erin94402
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 7:31pm
Chances are if you contact him to find out what happened to him you'll be yanked back into a sick cycle of avoidance by him. In other words, you may call him and he tells you some stupid story and then you two make another date and then the cycle continues. It is best for your heart that you leave him in the dust.