Sweet dreams are made of these....

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Registered: 03-31-2003
Sweet dreams are made of these....
27
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 11:19am
I hope this edit makes my post more acceptable...

He's putting the little devil dog in the kennel again this weekend. Last weekend, the dog threw a tantrum in his cage, which was quite entertaining. He whined, moaned, barked, tried to dig his way out, shook the cage, and crunched his food really loud at us. When none of that worked, he faked like he was choking. It was hilarious! Just like a bad 3-year old!


Edited 2/13/2004 7:14:00 PM ET by jilly73

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 4:31pm

I know it wasn't your intention and I'm glad you're back together and happy.

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Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 4:53pm
I think how Sherri is feeling makes perfect sense. And I understand Jilly wanting to share her happiness, but I understand Deena's concern for how it makes others feel.

I don't normally post on this Board, but I do post on another one where there are a lot of single women who are not too happy with their dating lives right now. I do have a bf who I am happy with - and I'm only sharing this to stay in context with this post. I rarely post about my relationship on my usual Board because I do not want to make other women feel more sad than they already do. When I didn't have a bf, I used to feel really bad when others talked about how great their relationship was going. I would say that I was fine with it and wanted to hear all about it, but to be brutally honest, deep down inside, it made me feel sad.

Jilly, that's great that things are going well with you and I really hope you have a wonderful day with your guy. I don't think Deena meant her words as a personal attack, I think she was just concerned about the feelings of some of the other women on the board.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 5:11pm
Again you are wrong. I do not believe in telling all details as I explained in my previous post just because it is the "truth" - it is why I don't post about a great review or promotion at work I got when others on the board are having a hard time at work - it is why I personally would not post about all the material things my bf did and bought for me on this board - even if I was asked I likely would downplay the details in light of others' situations.

You do not want to hear what I have to say which is - of course share your happiness but no there is no need in the name of "honesty" to share all if to do so could make others feel badly (see the post right near yours, alone on the big day) - no I do not believe in sharing all which is why I have not shared all the details of my day on this board or any other singles board and even if asked I would downplay it.

A rabbi's wife once said in a seminar - it is a sin to go on and on about your happiness with anyone but your closest friends and family because you might inadvertently make someone else feel jealous - and cause that person to sin. I think she went too far but I agree to an extent - my guess is you are so defensive and are so overreacting because you realize you may have gone a bit overboard in sharing on this board with many who are doing nothing tomorrow, all the little details of what he did and bought for you. You refuse to accept that all I am giving my opinion on is that you mihgt have tempered it a little -

I was not telling you to lie but for example, if you got a three carat engagement ring, would you share the size of it on this board or would you simply state that you got engaged and love the ring? If the latter, would you be lying because you didn't disclose the size - in my book, you would be acting in a sensitive manner to those who were not engaged and/or could not afford a large diamond like that. Same thing here - I simply feel that gushing - which your post seemed to do - bordered on insensitive in this context, while simply sharing that you were looking forward to a special day with your bf and that you were happy about it would have allowed you to share and remained sensitive to others on this board. That's all but you don't want to hear it - perhaps others will. If not, I stand by my opinion and hope you reconsider how many details you choose to share in this context with your other single friends - just think about it, please. Being honest does not mean telling all, especially when you're not asked to - and I know you know that you're just not able to hear it.

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Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 5:51pm
You don't know WHAT I am able to hear.

I understand perfectly about being sensitive to other people who are not experiencing the same good fortune I am right now. If this were a "lonely hearts" board, I would not be posting anything about having a boyfriend, or Valentine's Day, or having a date, because I would know that the PURPOSE of the board is to support people who are LONELY. I thought Dating Doyenne was for anyone in any dating situation.

Still, I don't see you chastising MARRIED people for posting about their happy marriages on this board. Aren't there single people who would be offended and jealous that people are writing about their happy marriages? Check out the thread entitled "Any Online Dating Success Stories." I think almost everybody who responded to that question (except me)is SO happily married, and they all went into some detail to describe how wonderful their husbands are. Why aren't you fussing at those people?

But, fine. I'm sorry I provided the details of my boyfriend's Valentine's gifts. I was not trying to be insensitive or cruel. I was simply excited, and I shared my excitement. I won't do it again.

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Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 6:06pm
Thank You, hon. I'm sorry I took so long to respond to your kind response. Your's is the kind of attitude I thought most people here would have, upon reading a "good news" post. I guess I WAS wrong about that.

Anyway, I will send up a little prayer for you that you will find a great love very soon :))


Edited 2/13/2004 6:07:16 PM ET by jilly73

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Fri, 02-13-2004 - 6:17pm
Thanks for the post. I know you weren't trying to be insensitive I was just suggesting that posting all the details might have been a bit overboard in this context. When happily married couples post it is typically to give advice to singles and to explain their perspective and how they got where they are. I don't think I've ever seen a post where the purpose of the post on this board was to detail the wonderful things a spouse did - unless it was posted in the context of giving an example as part of advice to someone single.

So again you have chosen to misinterpret/exxagerate what I said and I am tired of trying to explain that yes I am happy for you and my issue was with the amount and type of details. This is a dating board - largely comprised of people who are in unpleasant, conflicted, awkward, lonely, or downright bad situations - I don't see a lot of posts where the purpose of the post is to share the details of what an SO bought for them or took them to unless it is in the context of a situation like an SO responding to a crisis like illness or a lost job or a family problem. I am not saying such a post would be wrong but in some cases - depending on the context and the amount of details, I might find it a little insensitive in this context.

And since you continue to belabor this I should also share that I find it surprising how much you focused on the material aspects of what he bought for you and did - not criticizing just gave me pause as to why your focus would be on that. Would you have been any less happy if he just bought you a 99 cent card, drew a flower on it and wrote you a lovely poem and made you spaghetti at his place? It "sounded" from your post that your happiness was based on being showered with things - and again this is a message board - we all misinterpret and I very well could have - just wanted to share.

Also just as an aside - to most posters, all caps is interpreted as shouting but thanks for clearing up your basis (although you sure sounded hostile to me, but ok).

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Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 6:29pm
I appreciate what you have said, and I understand.

The thing that has NOT been acknowledged here is that I didn't intend to "show off", go "overboard", or "gush" or be "insensitive," as Deena said. I would say those phrases qualify as a personal attack on me.

However, if what I wrote made someone sad, I am honestly and truly sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone here or anywhere.

As a matter of fact, I don't believe I have ever been accused of being insensitive, or harsh or critical on this board, until now. My approach is generally to be empathetic. I try to share my experiences without making assumptions or judging.

But again, I will keep my happy relationship experiences to myself on this board, from now on. Because I don't want to try to figure out how much information is "gushing," and how much is simply telling the facts.

Thanks...

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 6:46pm
Here's a suggestion - if you are asked for details by all means give them but keep it on the low key side - and if you are not and want to share how about generally sharing "things are going really well for us" or something similar? In my experience, when a relationship is going well, most people that I know say something like "things are fine" "things are well" "we're happy" - because when you feel happy and secure you usually (not always) don't feel the need to share all the details, especially with people who might not be in a relationship, or a happy one - sometimes I have found that the people who go on and on about what their SO got or did for them (not saying you do just making a general statement) are insecure in some way about the happiness or health of the relationship and feel the need to "prove" to themselves that it is going well, by gushing. Again, not saying you did that at all.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Fri, 02-13-2004 - 6:49pm

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Edited 2/13/2004 6:51:38 PM ET by northwestwanderer
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Fri, 02-13-2004 - 7:28pm
Deena, clearly you didn't like my original post, and that's the bottom line. I have apologized to ANYONE who was hurt or offended by it. It wasn't intentional.

As to your assertion that I "went on and on" about the details, I disagree. There was a LOT more that I could have shared. I am NOT insecure in my relationship... and I have nothing to "prove" about the happiness or health of the relationship. My relationship has its ups and downs, just like most everyone else. This particular day I was happy. I talked about what made me happy. Tomorrow, my boyfriend and I could have a fight and I might post about that, in great detail. Apparently, according to you, sharing the details of UNHAPPINESS would be OK on this board.

Fine. I have already agreed to keep any future happy details to myself, from now on. You have successfully made me regret ever posting the message, because your characterizations of me as being "insensitive" and trying to "show off" have made ME unhappy. I shouldn't have allowed your opinions to steal my joy today. That was stupid of me.

Have a great Valentine's Day, everyone. (I hope that isn't a bad thing to say)