Symptoms of BiPolar or just a jerk?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Symptoms of BiPolar or just a jerk?
10
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 2:23pm
Just met this older man (i'm 26 he's 40 with one kid). We met last week and there was an instant attraction. I've been through some very tough stuff in my short number of years and he could relate to me, understand me, not judge me. I admit I was VERY excited about the possibilities. In the past I would have jumped in head first - but after MUCHO therapy I don't go that way anymore. But with this man - calling throughout the day - IMing me constantly. And here's the most important part- he's Bipolar. He has his illness "under control" but he is simply erratic. After all the phone calling and saying how much he wants to see me he suddenly says let's just be friends. Then when I tried to discuss it with him he said he didn't like all the drama I was bringing in. WHAT?!!? Same night I get an apology from him (he was scared, been hurt in the past, yada yada yada). Now we are supposed to see one another tommorow night. I want to go but I am SUPER cautious. He tells me how much he wants to see me. But when I ask him things (over IM) he blows them all out of proportion and then tells me it is exhausting chatting with me. Is this guy unstable (due to his BiPolar) or is he just a jerk? Maybe he's both? He seems to be attempting to manipulate me (when I told him I could not see him tonight he replied "well I guess I'll have to make other plans then...", drops hints about other dates etc). Sorry this is so long. Should I walk away?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 3:22pm
yes, you should walk away.

it's never a good idea to get involved with someone who tells you what a jerk he is because that's all you're gonna get and it'll be a continual up-hill battle.

not worth it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 3:50pm
RUN - don't walk - away! My ex started off like him, then it just got worse (I won't go into details, but tt's taken $1,000's in therapy to heal from it). RUN while you still can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 5:16pm
Does it matter? His behavior is a big RED FLAG. It doesn't matter WHY. Throw this one back and keep fishing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 7:59pm

Hello rsk30, welcome to the board!


There are many who are bipolar / manic depressives ... In fact, it has been said that one out of every four people is bipolar... If he takes his meds religously he can control it. But, I wonder here if this isn't more a case of indecisiveness and insecurity...


Either way it seems to be a red flag for you. And red flags don't seem to just go away. Either exercise extreme caution or walk away and find a more suitable relationship.


tg

Terry Owens
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 8:38pm
DEFINITELY RUN. I don't mind doing test runs with guys...they are soo hard to figure out sometimes. But he just sounds too uncertain to hang anything on. Good luck on your search.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 10:22am
Thanks to everyone who replied!!! I know the answer - sometimes a little positive reinforcement helps. I am seeing "the man" tonight for dinner. Yes I know I am simply prolonging the inevitable - in the past that would not have even dawned on me (Amen to Therapy!!!!). I admit I crave the attention, the compliments and the interest - but not at the cost of my own self-esteem, self-worth, my heart etc. which took much of my 26 years to gain. Still I feel like I am playing a game. Knowing that I can't see him again after this but meeting him for dinner anyway. He jumps to all sorts of conclusions (we're talking leaps here) when I say this or that (IMing). I almost have to laugh because it is so extreme. My gut tells me that in person it could be the same - we shall see. Regardless of dinner tonight one thing is for sure - I have regressed a bit and seem to have misplaced some of my strength and wisdom. Need some time to find it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 10:57am
Oh for God's sake. Don't walk away. RUN. I can't believe you're even considering seeing him. RUN RUN RUN.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:31am
I have no excuses - I'm a HUGE hypocrite - I SHOULD follow my own advice (and everyone else's). You are right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:33am

Why are you going out with this man?

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 12:12pm
There is NO part of me that thinks "dealing" with this man will help me with issues of strength and wisdom. I appreciate everyone's insight and concern.