take things slow

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
take things slow
2
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 6:50pm

i met a guy at a bar last night who turned out to be a friend of a former co-worker. the guy seemed nice and we've texted off and on since last night. well he emailed me to say hi and also mentioned he's definitely interested in me and hopes its mutual. the email wasn't too forward but i got out of a bad relationship about 3 months ago in which i learned the hard way that not everyone can be trusted so i'm hesitant to start anything again although i will eventually have to get over that.

i'd like to hang out with him and get to know him but should i let him know somehow, early on, that i want to take things slow? i also don't want him to be like "forget her then" because he could be pretty cool. another thing is i have a tendency to get myself into relationships that i'm not really that into in the first place and before i know its a full-blown relationship and i get trapped or stuck and waste too long with these guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: boston9
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 12:36pm
Hon, you met him last night, it's been what, like 10 to 15 hours and you're already thinking in a relationship with this guy? This may be why you get into deals you don't want to OR deals where you get suck up into. Stop the thinking and enjoy the moment. Think about it this way: Is this guy worth my time? Do I really want to get to know him? He seems cool so let's hang out. Is the answers are "yes" then go out with him, hang out and such. It's possible that when you get to know him better you may think he's not all that. Why tell him the first date that you got out of a bad relationship and that you want to take things slow. You'll be ruining something that "could be". Noone wants to know about the bad deals the other got into on the first date. Get to know him better and if he has potential then you can tell him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: boston9
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 11:02am

boston9...

Pianoguy feels that the only way anybody (male or female) can get "trapped" or waste their time if he (or she) permits that process to happen?

You can certainly be upfront about your feelings with this man. BUT...you also need to let him know from the beginning that the two of you won't be "jumping into bed together after date #2?" You can tell him that a few of your boyfriends have made you slightly overcautious, BUT...I wouldn't go into "an entire chapter" about why your previous relationships DIDN'T work out!

If he can handle the conditions and still wants to work at 'winning your heart', that's FANTASTIC! If he 'blows you off' because you didn't give him what he wanted, IT'S HIS LOSS AND NOT YOURS!

Pianoguy (who is listening to Steely Dan's "REELIN' IN THE YEARS" as he writes this)