Taking advantage or OK?
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Taking advantage or OK?
| Wed, 03-31-2004 - 3:07pm |
I have been seeing a man for the past few months. I am just looking for a casual friends/sexual relationship as I am separated-not divorced & not looking for anything serious. He, on the other hand has been single for a long time & looking for a girlfriend. In the very beginning, I was very upfront with how I felt & he was upfront that he cares for me more than I care for him & that's OK with him. About 2 months ago I told him I didn't think we should see each other-my feelings weren't progressing & his were. He said he didn't think we should stop, so we saw each other a few times, but no sex involved. Then, gradually, we've started having sex again. I just do not feel like I will fall in love with him, but I do enjoy his company. He on the other hand, brought me flowers last week & said " have I told you how much I love you this week?" I just don't know if it's right for me to continue seeing him because I know I am not going to fall in love. The reason I do is because he's a wonderful man & treats me great. Is it wrong to continue seeing him knowing his feelings will be hurt when I eventually do end it,even though I've been upfront?

Yes, I think it is wrong.
When will your divorce be final? Please be careful having casual sexual relationships b/c it's not a very safe thing to do nowadays IMO. Although I'm not very experienced in relationships of that type, it seems to me from all the related posts on the ivillage boards that it's a rare occurance for a casual sexual relationship not to leave one or the other party feeling hurt. It's human nature to form emotional attachments with someone you're being intimate with. But good luck.
You only wanted a casual sex relationship, but now you know he wants something more.. something you cannot give. It will be kinder in the longrun for you to cut him off. It will hurt him and he may protest. He might say he KNOWS you don't love him and he doesn't care. But YOU be big enough to care, for the both of you. He should be set free to find someone who will be as excited about him as he is about you.
There are men out there who would be happy to have casual sex with you, if that's what you want. Just be careful you don't get yourself caught in the "strings" nobody expected.
Good luck.
I think you have to be direct (which doesn't mean you can't be gentle), so I'd say pretty much what you wrote at the end of your post.
As for trying to talk you out of it, I'm sure he will!
but what if the situation was reversed. how would you feel if you were being taken advantaged of and taken on a rollercoaster.
just something to think about
also - dont try to be nice about it either. that's what got you in the a$$ the last time. be upfront, mature and adult about it and tell him