Taking a break
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| Wed, 07-07-2004 - 12:46pm |
I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and everything has been great up until about a month ago when he seems to of lost interest.
We are now on a break so we can both sort our feelings out. He has alot of problems communicating and this can be quite frustrating as I dont know what is wrong with him. We talked extensively for about two hours on what we should do and he says his deepest feeling is that he loves me.
We are on our break now and I have just come back from holidays and missed him terribly. I sent him a note in the mail saying I missed him on holidays and wished he was with me and to have fun on his holiday this weekend surfing.
I dont expect a response but am really confused as to how he feels becuase he has trouble opening up. I fear that our relationship will come to an end because of lack of communication.
I love him deeply and try to understand his problem and I have never felt this way before and he has said he hasnt either. I am 28 and he is 33.
We have just lost that fun bit in our relationship and the serious stuff is coming out, like whether we are capatible. We have so much fun together and when we talk about stuff afterwards is perfect and he couldnt be better but it is almost like something triggers his brain and then he becomes distant.
I wish he would just say what he means!!!

I have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt as there are other factors - he lives with his family still (as his father passed away a few years ago) so he helps them out a lot. He also has a son which takes up a lot of his time. I have tried to be understanding, but sometimes I just feel like I am making excuses for him of why he isn't with me. He works construction - which is a very labor intense job. When we actually have done something - it's usually the 3 of us. I really don't mind this because his son and I get along great!
It's very hard to come to the realization that we may not work out - but that's pretty much where I am at this point. I have considered suggesting that we do take a break from each other, but not really sure how to have this conversation with him. I always feel that I am the one with the problem - because I am always the one suggesting that "we talk" when there is a problem - plus we both agreed to base our relationship on communication. Its hard now too, because we have some events planned for the upcoming weeks - its hard to take a break when I know that there are events coming up involving the both of us- things that I really do want us both to do (some concerts and then he invited me camping with him and his son).
I have been patient for a long time, but my patience on us is starting to run thin. I am basically at a loss of what else to do - I really want us to work out - but I have to face the truth that we actually might not. I would really like to see him step up and do something - to back up his words of how much he cares for me. I have done so many things - cooked us dinner, text message him just to say hi - things to show how much I care.
If anyone has any advice...would greatly appreciate it.
Since I sent this message we have had our break and have met up and the outcome has been a positive one. He has thought about evrything and put it in to perspective and he has decided (and I have also) that we are to keep seeing each other.
The break we had was the best thing for both of us and it made us both realise what we had and how we can have so much more! It is still early stages yet and I am still keeping an open mind but the last few days have been great!
I think more than anything it has bought us closer together.
Thank you again for your great advice!