Talking on the Phone
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Talking on the Phone
| Wed, 03-10-2004 - 3:15pm |
My bf and I work together, thus we are with each other all day 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. When we both go to our seperate homes at night or on the weekends (the weekends we don't see each other) neither of us will call the other one. we will always wait until the next day to see each other and tell in person.
My question is this, I don't want him to think that when I go home that I just stop thinking about him, because that is far from teh truth, but I also don't want overkill on talking by calling after we've been together all day.
Does anyone have any opinions on this? Should I call (or should he call) me no matter what even if we've seen each other? or should the evenings/weekends be apart time (like most couples have during working hours!!)

But quite frankly, I don't see how you consider yourselves "boyfriend and girlfriend" when your ENTIRE relationship takes place at work(??) When do you get together for "fun?" Who do you socialize with on the weekends? What do you think HE's doing on the weekends, and who is he spending HIS time with? It sounds like there are times when you would like to talk to him or see him in the evenings or on the weekends, but you are holding yourself back from calling. I don't think that's a normal way to relate to someone who is supposed to be your partner.
And I don't see how talking on the phone occasionally a couple of nights a week, or going to a movie together on a Sat. or Sun. could possibly be construed as "overkill" just because you work together. Work should be for work... not living out a romance.
I think you need to be realistic about this relationship. This does not sound right, to me.
We do actually see each other outside of work. Quite often actually. We go to the movies and to dinner and dancing and shopping, etc. We spend time with his friends and with mine. Even though our work does come first, I will admit that we talk a lot at work so we do know a ton of things about each other. (just like I talk to my best friend who I also work with) We save our time together for outside of the office, but that doesn't get past the fact that we talk all day long!
I guess my point is... in a relationship where you don't see your SO everyday, all day, don't you use that phone time to tell them about your day at work? to see how they are doing? Stuff like that? I know how he is doing -- cause I'm with him!! It's not that things are kept solely here at work, but don't couples need time to themselves too?
does that make any more sense then the first explanation?
So it seems you're asking since you talk so much during the day at work, you don't know whether you need to call each other on the telephone at night, and you're worried you won't have anything to say? Well, I say that if you are OK with not talking to him on the phone, and you feel fulfilled with the time you spend together, then telephone calls shouldn't be an issue for you 2. There is no rule that says that a couple HAS to talk together on the phone every night. But if there are times that you WANT to talk to him on the phone, even after spending all day with him at work, he should let you know that you are welcome to call him, and vice versa.
The best example I can give is from my own life. I met my boyfriend at work... we used to be co-workers until he left to start his own business. We started dating while we still worked together. But we actually spent very little time together at work because our respective jobs were not in the exact same office, and we were too busy to visit with one another during the day. As a matter of fact, we rarely even had time to go to lunch together. We were also very conscious of keeping our personal relationship private, and we didn't want to share it with the rest of the agency.
But even on days when we saw each other at work or spoke on the phone during the day, we did call one another in the evening at home. As a matter of fact, we found we had PLENTY to share with each other because we knew the same people (from work) and discussed events happening around the building.
It all depends on how comfortable you are with each other, and how chatty you are, I guess. Then again, there is such a thing as "too much of a good thing." If you feel like you see him and talk to him enough already, why fix what isn't broken?
Hope this helps a bit...
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
So, it would be in both your professional best interests to limit your conversations and interaction at work - to WORK. If you want to have lunch and discuss other things, that's fine. You'd do that with any coworker, also.
But, at work - you two need to be prioritizing work and just work and that's it. No discussing anything overmuch about how you feel, what you want, what you're thinking or considering - excpet in work related issues at hand that involve one another in a work context. I.e, you calling him and saying how your boss just dumped on you and how that makes you feel has NOTHING to do with you and he working ON a project together and that is NOT a subject ot take up office time with.
If neither of your have interests, goals, pursuits, or passions outside of work...that is where the real problem is. That you two identify yourselves as individuals through your work and work position...and you're relating to one another in this relationship as "coworkers with benefits". Very professionally dangerous, not to mention personally destructive.
A great relationship is between two people that share values, priorities, goals, and interests - who have created a great complete full life for themselves as an individual person. And these two people -because they share so much and because they're so complete can bring joy, harmony, trust, and support to one another...while never losing their individual identity. They both lead great individual lives "together" so to speak.
I don't think you've got the concept of a relationship down quite yet. Either you're spending excessive time talking to one another abut your hopes, dreams, aspirations, feelings, and desires for the future and about the present in contexts other than wrk - while at work (which'll getyou both fired at some point)....or else you have nothing else that you're passionately interested in or identify with but work...so you're talking shop 24/7 whether you're on the job or not.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com