tell me i did the right thing

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
tell me i did the right thing
1
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 11:38pm

The guy I was dating told me about a month ago that he thought we would be better off as friends. Mind you, this was after a pretty big fight. Anyway, he pulled the old "but let's stay friends" bit. I told him it might take me awhile at first. But the next day he called, and every day since then for the past month we have talked. About 90% of the communication is brought on by him; I rarely call him, even though he tells me I can all the time. On night he even sent me a text message saying "i miss you." So, I kinda got my hopes up that we would work it out...we've both had our issues recently, and I really believe it was a situational breakup, not one where we truly weren't compatable. We actually have great chemistry, we talk each other's ears off when we're together. Anyway, since we broke up, we've also hung out a few time, doing each other various favors...he put oil in my truck, picked me up from the scene when my car was totaled, and I've done things for him...given him rides places, etc. But never anything sexual, I didn't want to fall into the FWB trap. For awhile there it was like we became each other's backbone...if we needed anything, we called each other.

Then, this past weekend, his calls stopped. Just abruptly. Like literally, he called, said he had to go but would call me back, and then I didn't hear from him for 3 days. Since we met, the longest we've gone without talking is 4 days. Then on the 3rd day we talked, then went another 2 days without talking. I started to get confused, it's not like him to not call me for so long. I thought maybe he had met someone new...I figured if he was just needing some space he would tell me...anyway, I asked him about it today, and he said he had just been busy, and kinda out of it lately. So I got to thinking, and decided that maybe it would just be better if we didn't talk for awhile, until I got my head straight. Cause all this talking, hanging out, "i miss you" stuff is giving me hope, and I don't want it to be false hope and end up getting hurt again when all of a sudden he finds someone new.

So I talked to him tonight, told him all that, and that I was still his friend, but I just thought maybe we shouldn't talk for awhile. That I needed some space and time to move on. He kinda acted like he was mad, and didn't really say much, just one word answers. Then just said, "ok thanks later." Now I know most guys aren't gonna want to sit and talk it all through and analyze it like us girls would, but still. And now I am of course going back and forth wondering if I did the right thing. It feels good to do something for myself for once. I guess I'm just scared I might have ruined any chance of us working things out eventually. But then I tell myself if he's unsure, then I don't want a guy who's unsure or lukewarm about me...I want a guy who's fired up to be with me! I dunno, I just got tired of trying to interpret the signals, and starting to expect his daily call and then wondering why it didn't come...I shouldn't feel like that if we're just friends. Of course I want much more than just friendship, but it's not fair to me to want more not get it...it's like being teased...

Anyway, I know that's really really long, but ya'll tell me...did I do the right thing? Jump the gun? Also, any advice? thanks!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 11:52pm

Yes, I think you did the right thing. It's just too darn hard to try to be "friends" with someone you have romantic feelings for! The only additional suggestion I have is to send him an email making it clear that if he changes his mind about wanting to get back together, he should call but otherwise you need some time to get over him so you'll contact him when you're ready. I always like to be sure I have left the door open IF he chooses to walk through it.

Sheri