To tell or not to tell...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
To tell or not to tell...
4
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 2:34pm

Hi all,

I have been seeing a great guy since late December. We have been exclusive since then and I now refer to him as my "boyfriend", which took me a while to do.

In October, I broke up with my college sweetheart of two years. We broke it off because we were both going different directions after college and things between us ended on a good note. We talk (via text messages) about twice a month. We're both in new relationships now, so what's left between us is essentially a fondness for one another.

Anyway, my new boyfriend and I haven't ever brought up past relationships. I've only known him since right before we started dating, but friends of mine have known him for a decade so I know he's a good guy and don't feel the need to bring up his or my own past relationships out of the blue.

However my ex is coming through town soon and will be in my area for about two hours. He asked if we could meet to say hey since we live too far apart to see each other except for occasions like this. I said sure because I know I've reached a point where seeing him will be nice as opposed to heart-wrenching. I think the same goes for him. I have no apprehensions about meeting up (public place, no worries).

My question is whether or not to bring it up to my boyfriend. He will be out of town on business the day my ex comes through town, so you can see the dilemma. I could tell him a "friend" is passing through, which is true but it leaves out some important information. Or I could not bring it up at all because while I know there's nothing to worry about, springing it on him that I'm meeting up with my ex who he doesn't even know about while he's out of town seems like an unnecessary worry.

What do you think? I want to do what's right. Current bf and I have every reason to trust each other and I don't want to make the wrong move here.

Thanks!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 2:44pm

I would most definitely tell him. Not telling makes it seem like there's a reason for it to be secret, and that's definitely to be avoided.

Besides, you don't want to establish any pattern of hiding things from him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 3:09pm

ladymadonna07...

Pianoguy is gonna play "devil's advocate" with you on this one.

Suppose someone you and your current b/f know should happen to see you with the EX in a public place? How do you think that person will react?

Do you really want to put yourself in an awkward situation?

If your exclusivity with your current b/f means ANYTHING...don't you think it's a better idea to bring up the subject of a "quick drink with the EX" before he leaves town? This way you'll get his reaction (good or bad) before "any potential gossip" begins to circulate?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 2:58pm
Does your boyfriend know you keep in touch with the ex? If so, how does he feel about it? If you are serious about this new guy you will take his feelings into consideration. I have recently rekindled a communication with my first ex husband. It is really to help him and protect both of us from an attack. So my reasons are very practical but we will remain in touch, I feel all for the rest of our lives now because of what happened to the two of us. If he's okay and I'm okay then others in our lives will be okay too. But, prior to this we were not in contact. If being in contact with the ex doesn't interfere with your ability to establish a close relationship with this new guy, then great, but usually it does. Your new guy may not care, or he might. It is good to find out now before feelings get hurt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 3:19pm
I vote for bringing i t up casually but being honest and clear
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