is texting equal to calling??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
is texting equal to calling??
9
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 10:58pm
so a quick summary on this guy...we met this winter, went on a few good dates and per him, he fizzled out cause i said it wasnt really a good time for me to be in a relationship, which makes sense. so the timing was off. early july he contacted me via text, unexpectedly, for the first time since we dated this winter. we have since gone on 2-3 more dates, all which have gone well. the weird thing is, is that he hasnt called me, only texting! i mean some days he will text me throughout the entire day which in some ways is nicer than a call every few days but on the other hand what is up with this? should i just try to call him? is texting just as acceptable these days??
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 2:35pm

I must confess, I've fallen

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 7:11pm

All in all, I'm not a big fan of texting. That said, it can be ok when ... like Stacey said, you're texting to confirm plans (ie, anything that requires a "yes" or "no" quick answer) ... or if you just want to say "hey, hope you're having a great day!" or some other little sentiment.

But, and here's the big BUT ... it should not be used in lieu of actual communication! Can you really get to know someone via text messaging? Me thinks not. Can you have a conversation via text? Uh, I guess so ... but how lazy and cryptic is that? And most certainly you can't have a *meaningful* conversation, right?

I think you're at a disadvantage with Mr. Text Message, in terms of truly getting to know each other (outside of when you see each other, which has been 2 -3 dates?). Though its well, kinda nice, that he texts you throughout the day ... how much insight about him does that really give you? Do you know him better as a result of his texting? Do you feel like he's getting to know you better?

Overall, I think that texting is just plain 'ol lazy. So, no ... I don't think it's just as acceptable as calling. At least, it shouldn't be ... nor would it be for me. Whether or not you allow it to be acceptable, that's up to you. If I were dating Mr. Text Message, I'd kindly ask him to give me a call ... or I'd call him and let him know my preferences on verbal communication. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 1:22pm
Personally i would rather text message then talk on the phone.
I hate talking on the phone because that's what ido all day with my job.
When you're texting you can also be doing other stuff as well. But that's just me and my personal preference.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:00pm
My boyfriend got in big trouble at one point with his cell bill after a week of lots of talking and he ended up having to text me until off peak hours to not spend minutes. That might be what is going on. He might not have a lot of peak minutes but he may have unlimited texting which is very cheap on a monthly basis. We have solved the phone/cost issue by figuring out that we both have new macbooks with videochat on them at home. Now we talk using the computer and use video chat so we can even see each other.
Anyhow, it is possible that he hasnt mentioned some sort of money saving strategy to you where he texts instead of calling. Does he call during off peak hours ( in the evening)?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 2:48pm
Sadly, THIS TEXTING crap is a gigantic problem in the dating world (one of many)! I'm 36 and single and still believe in the man pursuing the woman, calling and asking for a date, walking on the curbside, etc. BUT--with the great invention of email, online dating, text messaging, instant messaging, A LOT of men no longer need guts to do anything. They're too afraid to ask you out, so they hide behind a text message....they don't want to see you any longer---why call you when he can take the easy way out and either completely ignore you or send you a text saying so. Plus, these days A LOT of the younger girls (mid to late 20s) don't like waiting for Mr. Man to call nor do they play hard to get nor do they mind being aggressive. So while I've been on a date 2 or 3 times and we're NOT exclusive, not boyfriend/girlfriend....he's also dating other girls who are fine with chasing men (texting, IMing, etc). These girls are not allowing themselves the thrill of being woo'ed.....too impatient. So he's being chased by the aggressive younger girls and I'm being left in the dust b/c I'm trying to let him be the pursuer. ---and yes, it is an inherent male charasteristic---THEY MUST PURSUE. But to answer your question, it depends on the level of the relationship. Have you been dating and now you're boyfriend and girlfriend, then yes texting is fine. If you're relatively new to each other then there should definitley be phone calls but texting is fine too.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2005
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 6:23pm

Perhaps, to him, texting is a way of staying in touch, without having to directly talk to you. It's just less...confrontational, if you know what I mean. Perhaps he just wants to keep it low-profile right now. In a way it is paradoxical, because texting signifies we feel quite close/comfortable with the person, but at the same time, it's not really real. It's still distant.

And certainly, texting is WAY better than no texting?! *smile*

Let him know you'd love to talk to him on the phone, or let him know he can call you. Keep it open, without pressuring him. I think he just wants to go slow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:17am
thanks for all the responses so far. i agree with the last one saying that texting is definitely better than nothing at all! maybe he is just trying to keep it low profile for now. i had a breif conversation with him on our last date and he completely agreed that we should occasionaly be talking on the phone and went on to saying how texting and IM'ing can take away from getting to know someone. so i was all excited and expecting a phone call then he texted me the entire next day! strange! he is now in vegas until wednesday so i probably shouldnt expect anything when he is gone right?? maybe he will CALL me when he gets back instead of texting me!!?? anyway, thanks again for all your responses, i i really enjoy erading them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 8:57am

I have to agree with you on the aggressiveness of the young ladies these days. I'm a member of an expensive health club that is filled with educated 20-somethings. You can read all the books you want about the man pursuing the woman, but these ladies are ignoring the rules with some serious payoffs.

The men at this club are mainly in the tech fields: young, well-paid and good looking. I work out on a treadmill that is raised so I can watch everything that goes on. The ladies will stop at nothing to start a conversation with a good-looking man. It doesn't matter if he is lifting weights, talking to his buddy or reading a book. The young ladies get up front and get the man's attention whether they know him or not.

And it works. I have yet to see a man tell a woman he is busy. The guys will stop what they are doing and have a conversation. The ladies ask them out and the men readily take them up on their offers. If a woman is rejected she just moves on to the next guy. The whole situation has been a big eye-opener for me. These ladies are going to be wearing the pants in their families.

I'm not a fan of text messages, but if it works for you go for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 12:13pm
Why not say that much as you enjoy the texting - it's a great break from the day's chores it's also nice to sometimes speak on the phone as well.. The voice is a step up from the word!
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