Is a Thank You note appropriate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Is a Thank You note appropriate?
6
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 8:33am
I recently had a "first date" with a guy who is very shy. We had a wonderful dinner then went to a comedy club. By the time we got home it was 2:30 in the morning. Both of us had worked all day and were exhausted. He tried so hard not to fall asleep in the car on the way home (I drove). When I dropped him off he said good night, said he had a good time and enjoyed himself, hesitated, then got out of the car.

That was a week ago. He hasn't called since. He is a farmer and this is harvest season. With the wacky weather I know he is probably spending 10-15 hours a day in the fields and is exhausted by the time he is done.

I would like to go out with him again. However, I don't know if he wants to and is too tired at the moment, or if he's just not interested. I thought I would send him a Thank You note telling him I had a good time and would like to do it again sometime. What do you think?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 11:38am
Did you say thank you while you were ON the date (I hope you did, that's the polite thing to do!)? If not, then yes, you should send the note, but if you did thank him while you were on the date, then the note is unnecessary, and IMO comes across as a transparent attempt to get him to ask you out again. If you're ok with that, then send it.

I think that if he were really interested, he'd at least make a quick call or send an email to let you know that, despite his schedule. If you send the email and he does follow up, you'll never know if he's doing it because he's REALLY interested, or he's only somewhat interested and is just being polite.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 11:52am
No a thank you note sent now, a week later would be very obvious of you fishing for another date. He's just not that interested in you despite the job front. If things wind down and he's interested, he'll call. In the meantime just move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 1:01pm
I think it would be wise NOT to judge a farmer's interest in you during harvest or seeding seasons. His (and the farm's) performance during these two seasons account for 100% of his livelyhood. It will be his #1 priority and focus until the task is complete.

Consider this - for you to earn your entire yearly income you had to work 12 to 16 hours per day for 30 straight days, where would be your focus? How willing and interested would you be in social conversation and activities? How much would you prioritize another person with whom you've had just 1 date?

If he is interested in you he will connect with you after this critical task is complete.

The Stephen R. Covey quote of "Seek first to understand, then to be understood" applies here.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 1:16pm
That may be, but I can't help thinking of my friend M, who when he first met the woman who is now his wife, was in the midst of a CRAZY busy time at work, when he was traveling almost every day for several weeks.

Rather than leaving her wondering about his interest level, he took 10 minutes to go through his calendar with her and explain to her what his schedule was like, and made a date for when his schedule cleared.

I think that a truly interested man would do the same thing here...explain to her that he really wanted to see her again, but that he simply wouldn't be available until after the harvest and that he would like to see her on X date.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 2:13pm
Did your friend M really do this after the very first date? I can understand doing something like that after dating a month or so, but if this is the new expectation for showing interest after 1 date - it sets the standard of excellence extremely high.

Would you share your busy schedule and calendar with a man after the very first date?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 4:35pm
I can't remember if it was first or 2nd date, but it was VERY early on. He didn't want to take a chance on her feeling he wasn't interested because he couldn't see her again for a couple of weeks!

Yes, if I really liked the guy and wanted to make sure he knew I reciprocated his interest, you bet I would walk him through my calendar and let him know why I couldn't get together for a 2nd date until two weeks from now (or whatever)!!

Sheri