Thanksgiving-am I invited to his house?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Thanksgiving-am I invited to his house?
7
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 1:48pm

I have been dating this guy for 20 month and only met his parents once and have no clues about how his parents feel about me. I have never met his friends either except once I accidentally bumped into this girl at a grocery store with my boyfriend and she was borderline rude and hostile to me. anyway.

I know my boyfriend is going home for Thanksgiving this weekend. I was kind of hoping that he would invite me to go with him since I am all along here and have no family or relatives in this county. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to expect that giving the fact we have been seriously dating for almost two years now.

Although things aren’t going at my best between me and him right now, I told myself if he ever asked and invited me to go with him, I might decline depends on how mush he insists. I wanted him at least ask about what I will be doing if he isn’t going to invite me to his house. However, he never said anything until I asked him on the Thanksgiving eve morning. He told me he is going home and mentioned nothing about me or what I would be doing for this holiday.

I am deeply feeling hurt and in tears. He knows that I am here along and he just took off. I wrote him a not so nice email to let him know how I felt. I told him I wanted a break up because this is not acceptable for me. This past easter sunday he also took off and didn't say anything to me.

He has called many times since to apologize and said he is sorry about this and he is all stressed out about his work and has forgotten about me. I haven't called or talked to him since Wednesday morning.

He is 38 and shooting for 39 in a month. Should I tell him what to do with his girlfriend for holidays like Thanksgiving so his relationship can work? Am I dealing with a looser here and better off to move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 3:07pm
Does he have issues with his family? Maybe they argue at Thanksgiving or maybe some of his relatives are crazy, and he doesn't feel comfortable exposing that part of his life with you? Just a thought . . . .
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 4:58pm

If you've been dating him seriously for almost two years, it sounds like things aren't right at all. That's much too long for you not to have met any of his friends and for him to not even think about what you're doing for the holidays.

The first thing I'd wonder is if he doesn't think of the relationship as being serious, or if it's possible that he might have someone else he's dating in addition to you and so he has to keep you a secret from everyone else he knows. Whatever the case is, acting like you're a dirty secret is not right for him to do.

He's certainly old enough to know how to treat a person he's dating. His behavior does seem completely wrong and you're totally correct to feel slighted and want to break up with him. He's had two years and it's not likely than anything is suddenly going to change if you stuck around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 5:40pm
Nope, I don't think so. I was there last Xmas and they were the nicest people I ever met. He has two sisters and both of them are just soooo sooo nice and his parents are very nice as well. When I went to his family last Xmas, bf told me last time he bought a girl home was about 10 years ago so I thought I was really special. but not this time. Usually people would aks me about my Thanksgiving since i don't have a fmaily here and usually I am offered with places to go. I am very disappointed with my almost two years relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 5:49pm
Thanks Kelly. that's what I thought. I have never had such issues with any old bfs about no place to go during holidays. The fact I couldn't find out how his parents feel about me since I met them last Xmas was an indication of something is wrong. I had boyfriends before and if they can't take me home, they would at least say something that would sound like they have tried. It’s called being polite. I really don't know what's wrong with this person. I know he is only dating me and in a serious relationship with me as well. I don't understand. but I don't need to any more. It's not my responsibilities to tell him how to deal with his relationship during holidays.
Thanks for your time Kelly. I just want to reach out and confirm my feelings with rest of women here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 11-26-2006 - 7:40pm

It's extremely inconsiderate, inbearably rude.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 12:26am
thanks. I think you are right. that's how I felt - extremely inconsiderate and inbearably rude. I really love him but he doens't love me the same way as I do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 8:57am

If I were you I'd be moving on too. If you ever wish to get married this guy will never do it. He would grow sick of the idea of an entire room of his friends and family...and you. Definitely time to move on.

A man that age knows perfectly well he should be inviting you to Thanksgiving.