Is there any hope?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Is there any hope?
2
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 3:50pm
I met the man of my dreams via the internet. We dated for about a year and then decided to move in together. I should say that we are not "spring chickens" - he's 52 and I am 46 now. He was rebounding from a relationship and so was I. But we were in love. At least now I know I was. I made him my world and I was so happy. To this day we have never had a fight. Things were going so well I never seen it coming. On the morning we were to go sign a contract to buy a home together he sat me down and began by telling me that I was wonderful and took such good care of him - how he was so happy and content with me - that he loved me like a best friend but that he was not in love with me. I was devestated. By this time we had lived together 2 1/2 years.

But I pulled what dignity I had left and 2 months later had moved back to my original town and bought a small place to live. He gave me the money to do so. I told him then that I would never call him. That I still loved him though and if he wanted he would have to call me. Things were cool for all of 2 weeks. Then he started calling. For the past 6 weeks he calls me at least 2 times a day, we chat via aol in the morning. He takes me to places and he buys me things. We have been together every weekend. Sex was always good but now it is even better. He admitted that he went on 2 dates and spoke with several different women via the internet. He said that after all that he decided I wasn't that bad after all.

In the meantime I have did some deep soul searching and I am busy finding out what I really want in life. Background being I came from an abusive home into back to back abusive marriage and raising 4 kids. Only now have I found time to work on me. And I am becoming very happy - and I know I am a good woman - and prince charming is out there. He on the other hand has always lived with his head in the clouds. He loves women but he loves himself more. He has many failed relationships under his belt. He worries about aging and committment.

I guess my dilema is: should I give him more time or move on? I do love him with all my heart and to this day he treats me like a queen. I had hope that since we were both getting older maybe he would change. But at his age is this a foolish thing to think? When he thought he loved me he opened all doors for me, he was always holding my hand or giving me a little hug, he kissed me so passionately. He does none of this anymore. Doesn't that tell me what I need to know?

I know this is long. Please give me some advice. I feel stupid at my age to even be going through this.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 4:27pm
I would insist that the two of you attend couples counseling together for at least 3 months as a condition of giving him a chance. However, do you really want to be with a guy who is with you only because you're "not that bad"???? Yikes!!! That's a terrible thing to say, IMO.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 4:53pm
bthay892...

Pianoguy knows you probably would love to reconnect (and relocate) with this man! But you indicated that he has "his head in the clouds"---and wasn't shy about speaking to other women "via the internet!"

You wanna accept these traits about him...even though he treats you like a queen and the sex between you is...MAH-VAL-ESS?

Basically...it all boils down to accepting his imperfections. You already know that he's not "Prince Charming" (your term), but I sense that you enjoy the pleasure of his company, right? Maybe...alternate weekend visits twice a month...to each other's hometown is a workable solution? At least for awhile?

This way...you can enjoy the pleasure of each other's company as you "search for the meaning of life?" (Gosh...that last sentence really sounds DEEP, doesn't it?)

Pianoguy