IS THERE A CODE TO BE CRACKED
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| Wed, 09-05-2007 - 11:37am |
hi,
please help me... i'm a first time mommy that will have a one year old in one month. during my pregnancy and this whole year my child's father and i have been trying to work on our relationship. the reason why i say is trying is b/c we've had ALOT of issues w/his ex. The ex is a reoccuring problem b/c things die down then all of a sudden the world sinks in... the last time we fought about his ex was back in march, the situation was so out of control that she tried to physically attack me (even though she's the one that got beat up), have my child taken away, and get me fired from my job. NOW, after all of that my child's father was confused - he didn't know (according to him) who he should be with- here he had this ex that he had been w/for 5 yrs who called him 15x's/day to tell him that she loved and missed him and then me (the mother of his child) who couldn't find 5 nice words to say to him after all that he had put me through. so, after the police and our parents were involved she went away. so, needless to say the relationship w/my child's father had beens strained until i had a conversation w/my mom one morning. she told me that i couldn't control his actions and the only thing that was in my power to control was my actions, she told me to leave both him and the situation alone and focus on my child, my business, and myself. that's exactly what i did... i even started to dating again...
i took my mother's words to heart and i did exactly what she told me and what do you know my child's father started calling me out of the blue saying how much he missed us, how he wanted to see us everyday etc. so, he started coming over on the weekends, during the week, taking me on dates. things seemed to be getting back on track; we made an effort to TALK, our time together seemed effortless and finally peace and calm.
last sun, he called early morning and said that he wanted to take us to the shedd aquarium and he would be at my house in about a hour. well, 10 mins later i get a restricted call, then 10 secs later a missed call from an unknown #. i calls the # back and guess who it is HIS ex (apparently she changed her #). she said that she was the reason that he didn't answer the phone last night, i told her ok b/c i wasn't calling him last night and hung up. i didn't know what to do - should i pretend that the phone call never happend, should i confront him and if so on the phone or in person? i chose in person, i called my child's father asked how far he was away told him to call me when he got in front of the house. i got dressed (short shorts, tank, heels) fixed my hair, put my lip gloss on b/c i wanted to look fierce when i told him to go to hell and that's what i did. so he arrived all smiles, happy to see us, i hand him the baby, show him my cell phone w/his ex # and ask him who/what is this. he tried to pretend like he couldn't see the # b/c of the sun's glare, then tried to pretend that he didn't know who it was... so, i called her back (she didn't know that he was coming over) she probably thought that i was calling to argue and fight but i wanted him to hear her tell me what she has said 20 mins ago.
she started saying how they hung out and went to breakfast, he then grabs my phone and tells her she's a liar a trouble maker to stay away from us. after that he looks at me and says see i told you i'm not dealing w/her and i said good b/c NOW i'm not dealing w/you and took the baby and went in the house.
so, he proceeded to call for 2 hrs straight (literally); i didn't answer any calls/texts. i called my gf and asked her if she wanted to go get a bite to eat and she said yes. so, when i'm coming out of my house, guess who's still there - my child's father. he's begging and pleading for me to listen to him, trust him, believe in him that he's telling me the truth he haven't been talking/seeing/hanging out w/the ex she's mad b/c he's been ignoring her and she's just trying to ruin our day. he said that he's not leaving, he's not going to loose us over something that didn't happen, he won't let that happen etc. i told him to spare me the b.s. save it for the women in the streets, i don't need to hear it. i'm moving on - he could choose to be stuck w/the past in misery or come w/me and grow the choice is up to him. he said that he didn't want her he wants his family, we make him happy, his purpose in life is his family.4 hrs later, i decide to let him take me and the baby to the shedd aquarium. the ex called/text'd us ALL day long. my child's father could sense my frustration and irritation and kept reassuring me that he was on the straight and narrow this time, nothing had been going on and to proove it he would give me his cell phone.
mon morning, i get a text from the ex and its a text that she'd written and sent it to me to appear that it had come from him. well since i had his cellphone i knew he hadn't sent this text and that he hadn't been talking to her, so now his story about how she wanted to ruin our day and holiday made sense. side note- the last time she called me was mon @ 4:30 p.m. and hasn't called since.
now i feel really bad that i chose to listen and believe his ex over him but part of me also knows that i can't really be too hard on myself b/c if it wasn't for his previous actions i wouldn't have reason to think like this. i've asked him to change his #, he has agreed but has yet to do it. i don't believe that he wants to get his # changed b/c a part of him still wants to have some form of contact w/his ex. i'll give him until friday to make a decision, i don't want to give him an ultimatum but i'm tired of this DRAMA. if he doesn't get his # we're going to work out a custody agreement and our contact will be LIMITED to the baby only. if that's his final choice, i can live w/it (don't like it, hurts to know it) but i can live w/it.
so what do you think about all of this? is he legit this time? part of me believes him but then....
thanks for the comments,
e.

Wow...you have quite a nightmare to deal with. And I am referring to both your BF AND his ex.
He could be telling the truth this time...but that should not be good enough at this point for you. You need him to grow some balls and confront this ex with whatever it takes to get rid of her, whether it be a letter from his lawyer or a restraining order for both of you ...whatever it takes. It should not have been acceptable to him for her to contact you...for any reason. He should have been offended by that instead of enjoying two women fighting over him.
He sounds immature and a bit of a game player by going after you when you decided it was enough..the old.."I want what I cant have" game.
If he is confused as to who he should be with..then you need to get rid of him because it would indicate that he is attracted to disturbed women. And someone like that does not make a good husband or father because if the drama isnt already there...he will MAKE it happen so that he can get his rush of adrenaline. A little spice is nice in a relationship...not drama.