is there hope?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
is there hope?
7
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 9:31am
I wrote out my story yesterday. My boy & I broke up for no reason except he wants to be out of a relationship & single. Well yesterday I went to get my stuff from his house (b/c we lived together) & we talked for a brief moment. It was like this... I apologized for calling him repeatedly and explained it was b/c I was hurt & shocked and confused. & asked to be friends & he said yes he wants that to but this week will just be too hard for him & I both. Then we hugged and I said another time or place and he said definately. What did that mean to him? B/c I meant in the future but did he take it that way? Is there any hope for us from that statement?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: scdzkt
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 11:53am
ah, I am so sorry. That sounds really sad. neither of you wanted to close the door, hence the 'another time and place' statement. I think the only thing to do is give him space in the beginning (don't contact for 1 week minimum) and then if you feel like it, email or call to see how it's going. You'll get a reaction that should tell you whetehr or not he wants to continue talking with you. The waiting will be the hardest, so try to keep busy, that is what everyone tells me!!!! You may even get so busy that you forget. Each day that goes by makes it fade further.. once you are over the initial longing feeling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
In reply to: scdzkt
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 1:23pm
I can understand your concern about breaking up with your boyfriend, since it appears he didn't give you a very solid reason as to why he wanted it. Then again, at 19, he might just feel that he's too young for such a serious relationship.

My concern is your reaction to the news. You said you called him a million times and texted him a thousand times, and asked him if he was in love with you. I think you said he felt smothered, and if that's true, then you're reaction certainly didn't help. I don't say this to be mean-spirited, but I think it's important to realize that all of our actions have consequences, and your case it seemed the more you called him the more annoyed he got. Until finally in the end, your response might have given him the impression that breaking up with you was exactly what he needed to do.

Your need to understand and analyze everything that he said and done, makes me wonder how well you knew him. Simply because you never argued, doesn't necessarily mean that you have a strong relationship. It might just imply that you never took the time to take his or your feelings into account while dating.

I think you need to give him space. I think you need to stop calling him. I think you need to wait for him to get in touch with you. And as painful and harsh as this advice might seem, I think if you keep trying to "get him back" the further away he will be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: scdzkt
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 2:08pm
you are right.. but do you think after a whole year of being in true love (his words) that only 3 days of driving him crazy with nonstop calling can erase the one year of happiness... I know he is young but so am I... and all he asked for was space but yet i did smother him for 3 days but I have stopped, do you think i actually could have ruined it. I was shocked, hurt, and confused that is why I acted crazily and I told him that when I went to get my clothes yesterday and he said he understood. & we exchanged I love you's b4 I left. But if he really had true love for me then 3 days of smothering after asking for space can't really drive a person away for good now can it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
In reply to: scdzkt
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 4:30pm
There may be hope from that - but don't think that way now. Train yourself to not be with him and feel independent for as long as it may take! That's what I have to do - be tough with myself and tell myself all the reasons we might not be good together. It helps! Then one day if he does come around, you'll be strong enough to show him what you're worth and not give in to someone who's still wishy-washy about you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
In reply to: scdzkt
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 2:49am
My advice to you, as hard as it will be, is to move on. In the long run, it will be the best for you. Here's why... For most of us, breaking up is difficult. And we all want to end it on a positive note if we can. So, don't take the words said that seriously. Take it to mean, "I loved you once. I still care for you. I'll always remember you. Please take care of yourself."

I would strongly advise you not to be friends now, maybe later. It'll make everything so much more difficult than it has to be. Every step you take in the right direction will be setback when he contacts you. The fact is he no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. So further contact will just make it hard on yourself. Only talk to him when you're over him or when he says to you, I made a mistake and let's get back together. Don't fool yourself that you can be friends when you secretly want him back. Don't torture yourself. Think about how awful you'll feel when he shows up with a new girl and you're still in love with him.

And if you can help it, don't analyze. We all analyze everything to death, wondering what happened. But the truth of the matter is, it's over. Just move on. Don't over analyze and drive yourself nuts with all the what ifs.

Best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: scdzkt
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 10:09am
Not to burst your bubble, but a lot of people are not above telling lies in the process of a break up to spare the other person's feelings. Never take anything about future contact seriously during a break up. It's like the ambiguous "I'll call you" we all hear after a first date. Sometimes they call, sometimes they don't. It's a toss-up.

We could theorize all day about what he meant by definitely later. Personally, if it weans anything at all, it means that one day he thinks you'll be able to just pick up where you left off. It that's what it means, aren't you insulted by him thinking that you'll just wait around while he fishes the sea, pining away for him until one day he decides you're worth calling? That would be enough to launch me into the "angry phase" of getting over him. But like I said, you should not count on anything he says while you're breaking up. You should count on yourself, and only yourself, now. Take comfort in knowing that he can't hurt you anymore because you won't allow it.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to stay as far away from him as humanly possible. After some time apart, you'll be better prepared to wipe the slate clean. You must wipe the slate clean and not allow yourself to count on promises he hasn't made, or worse, ones he's already broken.

Take care of yourself. My heart goes out to you.

Ivy

georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
In reply to: scdzkt
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 11:47pm
Pray, pray and pray. Get strength from HIM and ask him to guide you through all this. And lift up to him everything and you'll feel the difference. FYI, I've been hurt badly twice already. First was 3 years ago and 2nd is just 2-3 weeks ago. My bf and i just broke up. Not really broke up but decided to take it slow. It was hard for me because I love him so much. Now, that I have good relationship with the Lord, I am so amazed on how I handle all this things. I feel the pain, I cry and sometimes I ask but you see, I didn't feel much of the pain like the 1st one. I can assure you that everything will be okey if you put your trust in HIM. You are young and you have so much things ahead of you. Just be patient and don't close your doors. Failure doesn't mean you're a failure, but God has a better plan for you.

Now, is there hope???? Ask yourself and be honest with yourself, feel from within, open your heart, your eyes and your mind. You're the only one who could tell if there's hope. If you think it's worth fighting for/holding on, then do your best and if it doesn't work, mourn/grieve, accept then heal. God has a plan for us even before we were born so trust in HIS ways.

good luck to you and God Bless.