is there hope?
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is there hope?
| Tue, 04-13-2004 - 9:31am |
I wrote out my story yesterday. My boy & I broke up for no reason except he wants to be out of a relationship & single. Well yesterday I went to get my stuff from his house (b/c we lived together) & we talked for a brief moment. It was like this... I apologized for calling him repeatedly and explained it was b/c I was hurt & shocked and confused. & asked to be friends & he said yes he wants that to but this week will just be too hard for him & I both. Then we hugged and I said another time or place and he said definately. What did that mean to him? B/c I meant in the future but did he take it that way? Is there any hope for us from that statement?

My concern is your reaction to the news. You said you called him a million times and texted him a thousand times, and asked him if he was in love with you. I think you said he felt smothered, and if that's true, then you're reaction certainly didn't help. I don't say this to be mean-spirited, but I think it's important to realize that all of our actions have consequences, and your case it seemed the more you called him the more annoyed he got. Until finally in the end, your response might have given him the impression that breaking up with you was exactly what he needed to do.
Your need to understand and analyze everything that he said and done, makes me wonder how well you knew him. Simply because you never argued, doesn't necessarily mean that you have a strong relationship. It might just imply that you never took the time to take his or your feelings into account while dating.
I think you need to give him space. I think you need to stop calling him. I think you need to wait for him to get in touch with you. And as painful and harsh as this advice might seem, I think if you keep trying to "get him back" the further away he will be.
I would strongly advise you not to be friends now, maybe later. It'll make everything so much more difficult than it has to be. Every step you take in the right direction will be setback when he contacts you. The fact is he no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. So further contact will just make it hard on yourself. Only talk to him when you're over him or when he says to you, I made a mistake and let's get back together. Don't fool yourself that you can be friends when you secretly want him back. Don't torture yourself. Think about how awful you'll feel when he shows up with a new girl and you're still in love with him.
And if you can help it, don't analyze. We all analyze everything to death, wondering what happened. But the truth of the matter is, it's over. Just move on. Don't over analyze and drive yourself nuts with all the what ifs.
Best.
We could theorize all day about what he meant by definitely later. Personally, if it weans anything at all, it means that one day he thinks you'll be able to just pick up where you left off. It that's what it means, aren't you insulted by him thinking that you'll just wait around while he fishes the sea, pining away for him until one day he decides you're worth calling? That would be enough to launch me into the "angry phase" of getting over him. But like I said, you should not count on anything he says while you're breaking up. You should count on yourself, and only yourself, now. Take comfort in knowing that he can't hurt you anymore because you won't allow it.
The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to stay as far away from him as humanly possible. After some time apart, you'll be better prepared to wipe the slate clean. You must wipe the slate clean and not allow yourself to count on promises he hasn't made, or worse, ones he's already broken.
Take care of yourself. My heart goes out to you.
Ivy
georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com
Now, is there hope???? Ask yourself and be honest with yourself, feel from within, open your heart, your eyes and your mind. You're the only one who could tell if there's hope. If you think it's worth fighting for/holding on, then do your best and if it doesn't work, mourn/grieve, accept then heal. God has a plan for us even before we were born so trust in HIS ways.
good luck to you and God Bless.