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Is there a problem here?
| Wed, 10-25-2006 - 4:40pm |
Hi everyone...I'm a 26 y/o single female. For the past two years or so I have had nothing but bad luck when it comes to men. I can't seem to find anyone... and when i do get hooked up with someone it never works out. I'm not understanding what the problem is? The past three guys that I have met, want nothing but to get in my pants and that's not what I'm about. Not that I'm a virgin or anything..but I don't jump into bed with people unless I trust them and know that there is at least a potential relationship there. I go out with my friends...and guys don't even approach me. When i get hooked up with guys...they seem really interested...and then somehow it just never works out. I'm an attractive girl, i'm intelligent, i am independent, I have a good job, a good head on my shoulders and really honestly believe that I have a wonderful personality. I have a few extra pounds on me..but I'm not grotest nor am I huge. Either way it's something that I'm working on. I know that I have a wall that is sometimes hard to break through...but I am very nice and respectful at the same time. All but a hand full of my friends are getting engaged and married and having children..and for heaven sake I can't even find a boyfriend. What is the problem? Why can't I keep a guy interested? Is there anyone else out there in the same predicament?

I totally understand the feeling. I went out with my girlfriends for months and no one would approach any of us. Ironically, when I had given up and was not looking for someone, the most wonderful man found me. I would suggest you take the focus off finding someone for a while and just enjoy life. Give someone a chance to find Wonderful You. Sometimes I think we try too hard and give off those desperate vibes.
Also, I would suggest that you try to ignore what your friends are doing in the way of marriage and children. Many of their marriages won't last, sadly, and you may be the one that marries a bit later and whose marriage lasts a lifetime. By all means, don't be so anxious to get married that you settle for someone. Nothing is more miserable than to have children and a husband you do not love.
At least consider the fact that I am 54, divorced from a lifelong marriage, and back in the game again! Want to trade places? You are still young. Just enjoy life! It will all happen for you. Today's dating is a difficult thing for all ages, it seems to me.
BFP: April 4th 2010
Natural M/C: April 17th 2010 @ 6wks 5 days
Last year I went through a period of dating where it was kind of what you all described. I too have had my share of question marks with men and wondered what went wrong or what the problem was at the end of things. My girlfirends and I, after much discussion and frustration figured together that some of the indecision from the males was due to the fact that nowadays there are so many more available choices with online dating soaring. I mean, if you think about it, before online dating, you had to make do with meeting people in everyday life or on the weekends at clubs or bars and now you can do that but also there might be people online as well that guys are pursuing/looking into so the numbers game begins to be harder and downright daunting. Men or women can in this day and age have several first dates in one week and be straddling all of these different people as they figure out who they want to pursue. We just didnt face these odds before and although I dont date online, I see it as making things harder on everyone. Even when you are dating someone and things seem to be going well, at the first sign of conflict they have only to point and click to contact someone else and start over.
I did eventually meet someone about 5 months ago and he is great for me. It was an absolute fluke and we met at a store together and ran into each other several times past that before we started dating. I feel incredibly lucky to have found someone who loves me and is in a wonderful relationship with me for al the right reasons. At the point where I met him, I hadnt really dated anyone for 6 months. We met under no pressure and things just clicked. I think the other poster might be right that when you put out the vibe that you are "looking" and ready, it backfires.
Above all, be patient with life and how it hands you things and people. I know it sounds trite but you have plenty to be thankful for and enjoy in today and life is too short to just be waiting for one thing to happen. You have to have faith that it will happen and know that if it happens later rather than sooner you will only land in a category of marriages where the divorce rate is LOWER.