Is there something wrong with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Is there something wrong with me?
3
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 12:21am
I met my ex through my boss. My ex and I are on a on again off again thing. Right now we are friends. When we are together he's a working stiff. When we aren't he'll find time to hang out. He keeps telling me how much he cares for me. He's told me many times that he loves me. I usually laugh at him or say how sweet or I care for you too. One time I turned up the radio. He tells me this stuff when we aren't together. I do care for him, but I refuse to say it (the L word) when I know we are gonna continue with this roller coaster. Am I wrong?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 5:58am
No, you're not. This doesn't sound like a stable relationship. If he's so hot and cold why would you even fathom saying the L word to him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 7:15am

ih8greenbeans...

First...Pianoguy shares the sentiment of your ivillage user name...HE HATES GREEN BEANS TOO!

Looking at your 'on-again/off-again' relationship...doesn't the whole thing come down to a choice between what YOU need from this man...as opposed to what HE'S HONESTLY WILLING TO GIVE YOU?

For many men...work is the catalyst that keeps their adrenlin flowing. Without something satisfying to do...many of us often begin to feel lost or depressed. When a man has nothing that will satify him other than just 'earning a living and using those earnings to support his family'---his purpose in life often has no meaning.

So when a man is 'devoted' (or a slave) to his work...a woman becomes (to quote composer, Ira Gershwin) "a sometime thing!"

Granted...this isn't a fair exchange for ANY lady who wishes to devote a large portion of her life to caring for and nurturing a special man. BUT you can't force feelings. They're either present or they aren't! Expecting reciprocation isn't always gonna happen!

An HONEST relationship involves 2 people who are equally committed...not only to each other...but also to the task of making that relationship WORK!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 11-19-2006 - 9:24pm
MY question is why do you have to go on with the roller coaster? If he can't give you what you want and need when you're dating (fear?)- it sounds like you've broken up several times - then move on. Perhaps if he sees you're serious about not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of he'll seriously try to make a change. Or not. But it would be good to get off the roller coaster one way or the other so you can move on
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