Is there a such thing as too picky

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2004
Is there a such thing as too picky
4
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 10:08pm
I don't know. I've tried it all too (grocery stores, dating websites, work, etc), and sometimes I wonder if I'm just being too, too picky. I mean, even though you (anyone reading) haven't met say the "one" anywhere have you not met quite a few men. Me, I'm meeting quite a few but I'm dating extremely few. Here I am home alone on a Saturday night again. I literally haven't been on a date since sometime very early summer. The last guy I dated, while I was physically attracted to him, he was such a loser. He was driving his mother's car pretending it was his and he had some girl knocked up and set to move in with him. Basically, he tured out to be a big liar. Now had I picked one of the guys I picked over perhaps I wouldn't have had the displeasure of dealing with such a man. I used to wonder if it were looks that I was going by, but quite frankly while I have dated very cute men some have not been physically attractive at all to friends and family members so it can't be that. So I guess these are my questions for anyone open to giving a thought: Is there a such thing as too picky? I mean is it possible to shut down what your brain is attracted to (whatever it is) enough to take a risk with someone you normally wouldn't consider? Are any of you too picky--can you relate? How does one understand what she is attracted to in a man she will actually date? And if what she is attracted to is all wrong, how does she change that? Isn't it possible for one of those men not chosen to have been the best man for you...or is it just foolish to go for anything but your ideal? Last time I tried going out with a man I wasn't attracted to I felt guilty...like I was using him. Would it be using a man to date him knowing he falls outside of what you're really attracted too (mentally, emotionally) if the attraction never changes for you? Doesn't seem fair on him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 12:32pm
I have been accused of being too picky...but only by men who couldn't get the time of day with me. I have my BS gauge set to zero and I see nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't settle for a man I can't respect and honor. Stick to your guns, it's not like there aren't men out there. Maybe you need to change your age group?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2004
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 3:14pm
I've heard the suggestion about age group before. Maybe that's right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 7:45pm
Hi,

I think there is a thing as being too picky, but it really applies to what the situation is and the type of person. If most everyone around you thinks the guy is great but you're still unsatisfied, usually you have too high of standards. That may not be true in all cases, but that's just an example. I think you have a pretty realistic view on what you want and shouldn't lower your standards just to "be with someone".

I know how you feel, I've met a couple of guys that I could've got with if I wanted to but I didn't think it would be fair to them because deep inside I knew that I didn't feel anything for them like they did for me. I've thought about this too, like if I could just get over my no-attraction to them, lack of connection, whatever it is- thing and be with them, would it be worth it? But I think that would be using them (whether for dates or just to boost your own ego) and it would only cause heartache later on. I have never had a boyfriend, so I know how it is to sometimes feel so desperate that you think to yourself that you'll just take anyone who walks. It's been hard, but I just tell myself that if I'm always looking for someone, it'll never happen, or will seem like an eternity. And even though it has seemed like an eternity already, I think about how uncomfortable I'd be with that person I know I don't like. I'm in no rush to be with someone who's wrong for me.

Keep on truckin on! I'm here for ya! :)

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 5:48am
I think that there's no such thing as being too picky! I was with someone for a while now and i have to say i just wasn't picky enough! He's very good looking, fit etc i'm attracted to him even though we have split up. He was a liar and a devious b###ard! He still is and always will be so be picky and stay picky!