Threatening to Leave

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Threatening to Leave
6
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 11:30am
DF and I live together and plan to marry in May. Neither of us has lived with someone before so this is quite an adjustment for us. Just last night I sat down with DF and brought up some issues about his untruths. He admitted his lies and claimed to be heartly sorry. I wanted him to know how hurt I was. Of course our conversation spun out of control as it usually does, bringing up all sorts of past issues. He ended up going to bed at 9:00. I told him I was going out and he says "not in my truck you aren't." This upset me because I have opened my door to him and have never once been selfish about my belongings with him. Anyway, I left in my car and came back an hour later. This morning he wakes me before work and says he's not coming home tonight and that he will see me Friday, he's done playing my games. "He" is the one who lied and now I am paying the price. He said that he will not call me today and that he's not coming home. This is the 4th or 5th time he has threatened to leave...the first two times, I feel ashamed for admitting this, I begged him not to go and he didn't. I don't know what to do. I have asked him to never use that card on me...if we are getting married leaving is not an option but he continues to do it. HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 11:39am
How about you stop being his doormat. He pushes you around because you allow him too.

Until you put your foot down and say, there's the door use it if that's what you want and stand by that decision, you'll keep doing this dance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 11:42am
Okay...I can do that...I have done it before. And, when he threatens to leave he will say "this is what you want anyway, you always tell me where the door is." His faults are always turned around on me in one way or another. It's really starting to hurt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 12:44pm
What are these unresolved past issues? If these are important issues, they must be resolved before you marry. His threats to leave, and the refusal to come home and work things out, regardless of who is at fault, are very bad signs. I think you should forget about getting married to him until and unless you can live in harmony and work out your differences in a healthy way. And what did he lie about?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 12:55pm
"I can do that...I have done it before"...no, you haven't done it bc he is still there. He knows you don't mean it bc you keep taking him back. There are so many problems with this r/ship, do you really want to bother? Do you not realize it doesn't have to be this hard. But his "faults", his "lies", his "games" are making difficult & hurtful...so why do you want this? Perhaps this is why he thinks that you want him to leave anyway - bc any emotionally healthy woman would/should want that! Kick him out. Tell him to get counselling or you won't bother taking him back. Then try to figure out why you want to be a victim in your r/ships...

Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 1:27pm
You may tell him where the door is but you obviously never shut the door if he's still in your life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 1:43pm
what was he lying about???

Also patterns that happen while you are living together or dating will continue into your marriage UNLESS you both do some major changes, perhaps even get counseling.