Three great Dates and Wham

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Three great Dates and Wham
4
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 8:37am

Would be interested in your thoughts on this one. A friend set me up on a date with a friend of theirs- they thought we would get on.
He is divorced no kids. We met up and got on really well....second date went well...third date even better. He starts talking about us going on lots more dates and how much he likes me. Drops me off ..next date set for Sat.
Then calls me on Mon to say he does not want to go on anymore dates. He said he had fallen for me and wants to go away travelling in the new year and that if he continues to date me if feels he may not want to go. To say i was a bit shocked was an understatement. I asked if I had done anything wrong and he said precisely the opposite. Then comes out with the revelation that i am the first woman he had dates since his separation that he actually fell for............and i still get dumped!

Checked out with his friend as to whether i was being spun a line...apparently not...he has just completely freaked himself out.

What do I do?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 12:00pm

I think you say to yourself, "gosh, that guy has issues if he doesn't want to continue dating someone he likes. He's obviously not a good bet for a healthy relationship, so it's just as well he's decided against pursuing one with me".

And then let it go. What were you thinking, tackling him and forcing him to go out with you again ;-)? I'm joking obviously, but really--if he doesn't want to, there's nothing you can do about it.

Maybe he'll get healthier over time (freshly divorced people are usually "walking wounded") and will ask you out again at some point in the future, but I wouldn't hold your breath.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 12:07pm

Thanks Sheri. I was not planning on doing anything. I just had never come across something like this before....find it easier to rationalise if the guy is just not into me.

I think you are right about the walking wounded....unfortunately I think he thought he was okay...but quite clearly is not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 12:09pm

You need to go back to that friend that fixed you up and ask a few hard questions:

"Did this man asked to be fixed up?"
"Did you know about his plans for travel in the future?"
"Did you understand this man is recently separated?"

Please share what this man did to you with the friend that fixed you up. Perhaps the fixer upper can shed some light on the situation. People fix people up all the time, people who don't necessarily have your best interest at heart. I've had friends fix me up with a man who have anger management issues and most recently, someone tried to fix me up with a man with a drug problem, all because they were trying to do these men a favor.

When someone offers to fix you up, ask many many questions before agreeing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 12:21pm

Already done that. His best friend is completely shocked.
He asked to be set up- said he wanted a relationship- did not want something casual
Has been separated a long time- 3-4 years- seems it has taken my 'wonderful' dates to make him realise he has issues!
No the travel thing was only mentioned to the Best friend when he asked what was going on

So all in all I think this guy really does have issues which he did not face. By all accounts he apparently has not 'clicked' with any of his other dates...just me....so according to his friend has completely freaked himself out.

I just thought I had seen it all when it comes to dating but this one perplexed me. Believe me I am happier it happened after three dates...but cannot understand why you walk away from something potentially good.