tied up in knots

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
tied up in knots
6
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 11:52pm
I have a friend, or that's what I thought we were. We like each other very much and there is a strong physical attraction between us. We are not dating. He is a very handsome man and is use to women coming on to him and I don't want to be seen as just another one of those women. I am just coming out of a very unhappy marriage and I am very afraid of becoming involved with another man. I have told him as much.

He shows both jealousy and possessiveness when he sees me talking to other men. He acts as if he wants to be other than a friend, but he will not come out and say it.

He tells me he likes me just the way I am. Whenever I disagree with him, or make him angry, he will dissappear and not talk to me for days or even weeks. I think his behavior is childish and it hurts. This relationship has me tied up knots.



How can I tell him that I want us to be friends and his not talking to me hurts, without looking like I'm begging him to talk to me? I know if I try to talk to him about this he will only get angry and hurt and dissapear again? Should I even bother or leave him alone?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 12:36am

Well, personally, I don't have a lot of use for people who are that childish!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 9:58am
He sounds unstable and you are still married. Why not wait to date until your divorce is final for at least a year - and why would you put up with someone who reacts this way - just imagine what a relationship would be like with this man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 12:00pm
That very fact has occured to me so many times, I can't even count. I think I only put up with it BECAUSE I am so attracted to him. If he is like this now, what will he be like when and if I do ever get into a real relationship with him? It has been suggested by a few of my friends that he is only so FLAKY because he likes me and doesn't know what to do about me. He blows hot and cold so fast it makes my head spin. That's one of the reasons I have been backing off of him. But I still can't get over how I feel about him.

I have been separated from my husband for almost a year. I am in the process of starting divorce proceedures and that is hard enough as it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 8:00pm

Hello lioness, welcome to the board!


The fact that you are only now beginning a divorce process, regardless of how long you have been separated, is a stressful time in your life. You really are not emotionally free to begin a serious relationship no matter how attracted you may be.


What concerns me though is this man's bahavior. Possessiveness and jealousy have no place in a succesful relationship. And the fact that he disappears for days on end when you say something he doesn't agree with is not in your best interests either. To me he sounds very controlling and that will not contribute to a succesful and satisfying relationship for you.


I would concentrate on what is before you (tying up the emotional loose ends) without this man's friendship. I honestly think he will do you more harm than good right now. He doesn't seem understanding or caring in the least.


tg

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 8:24pm

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 1:32am
Thank you one and all. I guess I just needed to hear it from somewhere other than my own head.

I know I am not ready for this. There are RED flags all over the place as far as his behavior towards me is concerned. My instincts are telling me to watch out.

If I were comfortable with this, I wouldn't be so one edge. I will continue to heed the warning signs.

When and if I have to opportunity to talk to him, I will.