Time to leave him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Time to leave him?
9
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 8:41am
Last night I asked my boyfriend if he could pick me up at the bar I was at so I wouldn't have to drink and drive. (St.Pattys day). Guess what he didn't. I am thinking that he just does not care about me. Is it time for me to move on and find a man that really does care? I just am so confused. He didn't give a reason or anything.. just told me to be careful driving cause there are road blocks out.. Duh that is why I wanted you to pick me up.. grrr.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 9:35am
Count this one as one reason why you'd consider leaving your bf. Have there been more like this? How do you feel he treats you? Does he respect you and consider your feelings and opinions? IMO, by the way he treated you last night it appears that he doesn't do either of the those. If this BF of yours has these patterns I'd consider moving on. Your call.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 10:06am

Yes he has had done this before. It is just lately it has gotten worse. I think it is time to move on. I mean if a guy doesn't show that he cares for me than I really don't think I want him. It just has been a long time with this guy.

This is just going to be hard to break up with him. He is not the best boyfriend in the world, but he is a great person and friend. I hope I don't lose his friendship.

The other thing that gets me is if I was one of his male friends asking last night to drive me home he would had done it.

I just can't believe it has come to this after all this time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 11:32am
Did he have other plans for last night? Essentially your request was for him to cancel his plans and wait for you to be ready to be picked up. Would you cancel your plans to be at his beckon call?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 1:15pm
He did not give her a reason nor he said he had plans for the night. He told her to drive safely despite her statement that she had been drinking and that she rather didn't drive. That could let one to belive that he was not in the mood to pick her up. Very disconsiderate on his part. If he had plans he'd had suggested to take a cab istead.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 1:26pm

It was her choice to go out drinking. A responsible person would have had plans in advance to get home safely rather than making a spur of the moment phone call expecting him to drop everything and pick her up. Her request showed no respect for what he may have had planned for the evening.

He's male, he didn't do things exactly her way - therefore he must be wrong I guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 2:49pm
Well, it seems that you feel offended by reply to this young lady. However, she's talking about her BF, who she loves and respects and who she expects to love and respect her back. Yes, it was her choice to go ou drinking, BUT that's not the point of her message. The point is that she called her BF to ask him if he could pick her up because she was drinking and din't want to drive. His response is what's not appropriate. It seems that her BF didn't care if she drove drunk or else. He didn't give her a reason as to why he wouldn't picked her up, nor he said he had plans. Assuming he was home watching TV or sleeping, it is sane to assume that if his GF calls to ask that favor and if he cares he'd have said something more considerate like "sweetie, I'm watching TV/sleeping so I cannot pick you up and you better take a cab" or would have said "take taxi because I have plans later on tonight". His response was "drive safely". That is the point, not the fact that he is a male and he doesn't think like a woman.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 3:01pm
Slow down folks... I don't think anyone is saying that just because the guy is male that he's automatically in the wrong. I think his actions are being looked at, not his gender. Assumptions are dangerous, you know what "they" say about that! ;o)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 4:52pm

This doesn't change the context and question of her post. She's thinking of breaking up with him because she didn't get her way.

From a man's perspective - that is quite the message to send.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 7:43pm
Spice man, read her second message. Her BF has done it before so it's a patttern of behavior that won't change unless he is willing to do it. Apparently it's getting worse and she's not willing to allow it anymore. It's not the "not picking her up that night the reason she's thinking in leaving him and rather many things that have come to a point of her thinking if he is a good man for her.