Time to move on or hang in there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
Time to move on or hang in there?
1
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 6:16pm
We met through our respective offices, he being my representative at the company where he worked. We started and maintained contact first via the phone (at work and at home), then through email and then eventually meeting and spending only a few hours together (not sexually). There is a distance of about 5 hours between us. After meeting he was promoted within his company and I was assigned a new representative. We still remained in contact, just not as frequently as before. Sometimes weeks would pass without contact on either part. I was somewhat involved with a relationship and this he was aware of. He called one evening saying, "I wish I could just snap my fingers and be there with you." I invited him down. Within a few days he called again saying, "timing wasn't right and how could I possibly think that anything could happen between us because of the relationship between offices and the distance." I firmly replied that he was giving mixed signals. I also told him that I was going to move forward with my current relationship and at that point the conversation ended abruptly.

After five months without communication on either part - he called one evening and immediately asked three questions. 1. Are you married? 2. Engaged? and 3. How serious is this relationship you're involved in? My answer obviously was "no" to the first two questions and not serious/no ring to the third. He proceeded to tell me that he no longer worked for his company and wanted to come here, was the offer still open? He came! During his visit we talked for long periods of time about what plans he was considering for his future. He kissed me and I felt swept. He told me,"this feels right, you are definitely someone I want in my life and that he couldn't see his life without me in it." To date we have not been intimate. We continue to talk via the phone and email on a routine basis and have seen each other since his trip down, meeting half way and spending the day together. Again we talked about our plans and what we want out of life. He is moving within three hours of me and returning to school to obtain his masters. He is 38 and never married. I am 37 with two children (divorced). He is what I am looking for as our time together (in person) is always tender/passionate. Our communication flows and we share a variety of the same interests. As you can see we are at different points in our lives and I am in need of some outside advise! Any would be appreciated. Thank you.

Annie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 7:39pm
Well, you don't mention ending the relationship you were in when you met him, but hopefully you did that. He obviously wasn't your Mr. Right so I hope you're not keeping him on a back burner, or in the dark about your new found love. That wouldn't be very nice.

I personally wouldn't embark on a LDR b/c they are not for me. If you're looking for companionship and someone actively involved in your life, it can't be someone 3 hours away. That's my opinion anyway. Some people do it, but I don't understand how. In my experience you need lots of face to face interaction to get to know someone. A relationship can't be conducted over phone or internet. Not a real life one anyway.