tired of being single....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
tired of being single....
36
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 5:16pm
and i apparently keep looking for 'love' in the 'wrong places'

any suggestions as to where to meet guys?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 11:49pm
yes i'm still kicking.

i'm still reading everyone's posts and just kinda absorbing it all

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 12:02pm


hey there!

look i know exactly what you mean, after breaking up with my college sweetheart who i was sure was the "one" i was single almost 6 years and meeting guys wasn't a prob when in college but it got harder and harder as i transitioned away from school and into the "real world" in a nut shell i decided to give online a try because the guys i did meet in the grocery store or at bars weren't the type of guys that i wanted to settle down with, they were just not compatabile!

I finally gave online a shot and decided to start meeting people and of course i met my fair share of nice guys i never saw,jerks intrested in sex, and of course my favorites good old fashion weirdos*LOL* I ended up trying Eharmony and i have to say that site ROCKS!! sure it was a bit higher but the diffrence was i was being matched up with guys by someone in utah based of the criteria i selected and honest questions i answered about my self and things i desired in a mate! now i will admit i did find a few of the "selections" unattractive, weirdos,sex starved or old, etc...but i just kept sending the confidiental emails to the guys that i was intrested in and whala in one months time the very last guy who coressponded with me is now my current boyfriend of over 6 months and we are so well matched its hilarious we have TONS in common! We basically agreed after the 5th date that we would tell people we met at a local star bucks because truthfully i did meet him that way and its noone elses bussiness.....hope i was some help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 5:31pm
haha that's cute. congrats!
i'm just kinda taking things one day at a time. it's hard to be 'talking' to someone who you know you want something more with but trying not to portray your desire for a bf. or know if hes even interested in you that way too.. i'm ready to throw my hands up in all of this!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 8:14pm

Hi Hockeybabe,


In regard to your last comment: the

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 11:32pm
hey jill

that did help. however i read the last few posts about numbers decreasing after college. i'm almost done school and i haven't really dated anyone for a significant period of time yet - nor have i come across anyone i would consider dating. (since i've moved here for school) so if it doesnt get any better from here on out..i'm at a loss i assume.

when i'm out in bars/clubs/out w/ friends guys hit on me all the time (even in the library over the weekend) but they're not hot...i'm not attracted to them. well i shouldnt say 'all the time' a fair amount, and sometimes we'll exchange numbers but loose touch or i'll just not be interested or not feel anything between us.

i know that the guy will fall in your lap when you least expect it i've been told that time after time after time, but i feel now i am really ready for a rel'ship and i cant keep lying to myself saying i dont want one, or i'm happy being single. cause that's not the case.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 10:27am
Hey, think of it this way what have you got too loose by "just dating"? The worst thing about the time i got so sick of the single life was that i spent my time looking for a boyfriend and not a mate. i got just what I asked for too...some "boy" in a mans body just taking me for a ride and he wasn't even intrested in a relationship! After i got my heart broke by a guy i REALLY liked and wanted too be with so bad, who totally lied to me from beginning to end, i really had to honestly evaluate myself and why i wanted this loser so badly....then I realized all I wanted was companionship, and i had gotten so desperate i was overlooking this guys faults All i saw was this Gorgeous, handsome, guy who looked like the perfect boyfriend/match for me....But a relationship requires way more time to "get to know the person" and nothing hurts more than wasting months or years with the wrong person in a dead end relationship, trying to make it work.

So, i really didn't want just a boyfriend i wanted someone i could have my happily ever after with and that was not going to happen over night....

Soon, my desire for a boyfriend diminished and i figured out all i "really" wanted was to date!! someone to pick me up at my door , to have great phone conversations with, bring me little gifts, to laugh with me, to go to movies and events with, to have a nice dinner with and to ask how my day was! You can get all of that in a date! once i realized this i dated "Everyone" and expanded my horizions to online sites to increase my date potiental!!

The perk to online was instead of having one or 2 dates every other week as i met people on the day to day was i ended up with a "Rotation"!!! I would chat up as many guys as i could on my work email (didn't give out personal info)and then on my work phone (has unavail i.D.) and when i thought i found a potiental date they would earn the cell #( easier to change the number in case dude's psycho) and eventually i ended up meeting in the afternoon in a highly populated area in public ( this is for the first 3-4 dates) i would end up with 3-4 dates a week! i loved it i felt like the ultimate "IT" girl*LOL* when i ended up with my BF i was happy but hell i kinda miss all that dating 3-4 guys a week and cell phone ringing nonstop from 5-11 p.m hehehe :)

This way if it didn't work out at least i got some free quality time with no strings attached!90% of dates SUCK and are not going to yeild someone boyfriend/relationship worthy, but in the mean time you can still get some of the perks!!! if i were you hockey babe i would try more dating! Even if online doesn't intrest you, try dating those guys who ask you out! As long as you feel safe date them! Besides some times those not so hot guys are the ones who want to be and are the best boyfriends and husbands!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 12:01pm
Woh, Nellie! I think without knowing her history, it's a little harsh to accuse her of choosing abusers and cheaters. Certainly, there are a lot of women who subconsciously choose men they know are wrong for them. We don't know that's the case here.

However, I have to say that it's time to get past not dating a man because he's not "hot." I've known several great guys that I did not initially think were attractive but after I got to know them, I was really attracted to them because of how they conducted their lives and treated me. They actually became better looking in my eyes. Try tossing your list of requirements out the window (it's obviously not working for you) and just open yourself to making new friends.

I would much rather say I met someone online than in a bar. This is just one of those ridiculous social standards that will change with time but only if people start being honest about it. If anybody gives you any garbage about it just say that you had to try something new because you weren't having any luck meeting new people any other way.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 5:47am

hi there,

Been single myself for a while. Best thing you can do is join a dating site!
I joined planet personals about three months ago and my confidence has soared. I am not saying you will meet Mr right, but you will get an awful lot of much need compliments from some really nice guys. You may even meet mr right now!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 11:53am
hi, I feel really bad for you the same thing happens to me men disappear real quick - i'm surrounded by happy people with relationships or great loves they have or had and i feel like an outsider. I don't have many close single girlfriends any longer and besides my sister and myself who are still single -people have started questioning what's wrong with me and there must be something worng if no one sticks around. I started thinking men really only want women with big chests and no minds or i don't know- or the bitchy woman gets the man- i don't know- i have no explanations- i'm a really nice person- maybe too nice because i get stepped on a bit- but i so can relate to you- i also have tried single sites and the same guys are on there and half of them look like guys i'd never date and i'm not too picky whenit comes to looks either but some of the guys look creepy- or just not my types.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 7:33pm
I have tried the i-net dating thing, and its the same guys, month after month, i do not know where to meet guys. I'm also told it will just happen when you least expect it to. Now I have met someone 10years younger and he's seems like my prince charming except for the fact that i see him only when he has time, it sounds "yucky" and maybe i'm desperate to be with someone, but we communicate so well, when we are together, we are open with everything. I've just been told that "seeing" someone and dating is very different. Well not in my mind. I am so "into" him. When we talk i've told him how i feel and he is very insightful and i understand what he says, but i guess i want more fast. I've never dated much before my ex husband and actually i hate it atleast in the way i experienced it on the i-net. I dont know if this helps, but you're not alone and it does suck.