Tired of feeling invisible

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tired of feeling invisible
15
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 4:51pm
Hi,

I am a long-time lurker and and a first time poster. I need some advice on a situation I am having with my boyfriend.

We dated for 6 months, then broke up because I felt it was time for titles and he wasn't ready. Feeling that he would never be able to get over his commitment issues since I was still compartmentalized and technically his "friend" after 6 months of dating, I broke it off. We were split up for two months before he came and asked me if we could try again. Since he agreed that it was wrong to call me his "friend" even though we were exclusively dating and that he was ready to take that step with me after having some time apart, I agreed to give it another shot. That was back in the beginning of April. April was great. We were renewed and recommitted.

Then in May, it was almost a complete 180. I saw him a total of 3 times during the month of May even though we live in the same city. Prior to this point I had seen him 1-2 times a week and we talked on the phone almost every day. Last month we were talking on the phone still, but we'd miss 2 or 3 days a week. Our last date was a trip to lunch over two weeks ago, so I have seen him 1 hour over the past 3 weeks. We were supposed to go out of town together next month for a weekend, but he had to cancel that for work. The man is a workoholic. He's a radio producer and the 8 weeks or so before the Spring ratings close (which is in the end of june) are very critical for his success. Even though I have been lonely, I have always been very patient and supportive of his career. He doesn't know how I lonely I have been. I have tried hard to keep him from knowing.

Tonight he had plans to go to a play and a club afterwards with a married friend of his boss'. She cancelled at the last minute so he called me at work this morning to invite me. I begrudgingly accepted, even though I felt his Plan B Girl. I am afraid that I will blow my top tonight as I have grown pretty resentful over the last couple of weeks as this change has been on for over a month now. He doesn't plan dates for us anymore. Any time I hint that I'd like to make plans, he talks about how busy he is. When we have managed to make plans, he's cancelled them to work or go home and sleep. Don't get me wrong, he still says he misses me. But how much?

I feel like he doesn't know what goes on in my life every day and is too busy to care. I feel like I am the last thing on his mind these days. I am afraid that we are going to grow apart if something doens't change. I have never been this lonely in a relationship.

Please help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 1:47pm

Hi


It does sound, unfortunately, like your boyfriend's idea of a relationship is to do whatever his heart desires without truly considering what you want or need.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 1:48pm
Every journey across life's highway encounters some speed bumps, you know. It is how we travel across them that is important.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 2:02pm
The trouble is that I don't know how to state my feelings without it sounding like a complaint. Can you help me there?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 2:10pm
Thank you for your advice, Doyenne. If nothing else, I feel validated by receiving the advice I have gotten about this matter.

Since the last time we had a serious conversation about a problem it didn't turn out so well, how/when do I bring this up with him? What do I say so I don't sound like I am nagging or complaining?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 2:22pm
Sometimes it isn't what you say but how you say it...

 

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