Together 4 Years, Broken Up 3 Months

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Together 4 Years, Broken Up 3 Months
3
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 8:20pm
My ex and I had been dating for four years, since I was 16. This summer we decided to be friends. There is still chemistry there, we spend alot of time together and even sleep in the same bed at times. I have, in the past 2 months realized just how much I love him, and want him back. Although he says he doesnt want to be with anyone right now. I can't tell if it's just me he does not want to see, or anyone. He has been going out a lot latley and meeting new people. We still see each other at least twice a week, and talk at least twice a day on the phone. I recently told him that it was unfair if things did not have a chance of working out we should not sleep together. Yet we do but at the same time he tells me he doesn't want to give any wrong signals because he knows it upsets me. Even though he will not directly tell me that there is not a chance. Which leads me to think that there is. I've let him know how I feel and he won't tell me anything, or say he does not know what to say. I don't want for him to end up pushing me away because I keep bringing the two of us up, but at the same time I don't want him to forget that I am here waiting for him. We live sixty miles apart which at first he claimed was a big part of us ending what we had. I have thought about moving there, and even more so recently. Should I, and take the risk that I might end up alone? Or should I wait and see what develops with me living far away? When we are together or apart is is evident he still has feelings for me. I'm just so confused on what I should or shouldn't do to scare him off, and get him back.

Please Help

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 10:53pm
Broken up means broken up, not turning into someone who's available when no one else is around to sleep with...you're going from being his girlfriend to his booty call. Surely there are other men who didn't break your heart that you could sleep with? Wouldn't it be easier to sleep with a stranger than to be with someone who's said it's over?

Honey, you are alone...you're both dragging out the split...it's making it harder, not easier to move on with your lives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 2:52am
I'm sorry to say, but he is just keeping you for comfort until he finds someone new. And as long as he is around, he is keeping you from being able to open your heart to someone else that actually does want to be with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 1:22pm
I was with my last long-term boyfriend for 4 years as well. It wasn't until I met another guy that I was able to keep all those "what-if" questions out of my head. You might want to start making yourself unavailable for him and make him decide if he wants you back as a girlfriend of if he's just calling you when he wants a little action. I've been on that end of it too and finally I realized he had the best of both worlds, sex when he wanted it and all the freedom to do whatever with whomever he chose and I finally decided that I wasn't happy with my role in the post-break-up relationship and that I needed to change it so I did. After I stopped being available for him all of a sudden he turned into the man I had wanted so desperately to be with at the time of our break-up BUT it was too little too late and I didn't take him back. I was happier by myself than I was being his "booty call." I think it sounds like you are in the same boat I was and aren't too happy right now. PLUS if he's your age 20 I assume or 21? Guys become really retarded around their 21st birthdays - all of a sudden they can go 'pick up chicks' in bars and go to strip clubs and well - you know what they think with in that phase.