In too deep

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In too deep
1
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 4:00pm

I will try to make this as short as possible. I have been friends with this guy, we'll call Marty, for well over a year. He has been such a great friend to me, and I pretty much tell him everything, from the very personal to just day-to-day venting. This past August, we kissed. I really wasn't all that attracted to him and I didn't feel a whole lot of chemistry. We never really talked about it after that. About a month later, he started calling me a lot, sending text messages as all hours of the night. I told him that I had met somebody and was dating. He backed off. When that ended, I started calling him (I am not sure why), and then I met somebody else, and he backed off. Then, when that was starting to die down, I started calling him again. See a pattern?

During all of this, he never stopped checking in from time to time, just to see how I was doing, and he attempted to make plans with me so many times, and I baled each time. He also sent me an email saying about a month ago saying how fondly he remebers that night of our kiss. Then, 2 weeks ago, he invited me over for dinner, and I was sitting there, watching him cook, listening to him talk, and I got butterflies. I felt so attracted to him. We ended up kissing, and I felt so much chemistry. We also ended up sleeping together that night.

We talked about it the following week and he opened up about alot of really bad stuff going on with his family right now. I told him that I wanted to pursue something with him. I told him that I don't do the friendship thing with benefits, and it just doesn't work for me.

This past weekend, we met to talk more about the situation -- the other times were either phone or email. At the point, he told me that obviously, if all he was looking for were benefits, I would know it by now. But, he said that my history is that I jump from guy to guy, and I fall quickly and then 3 weeks later, I get freaked out and I bale and that I am pretty much doing that again. He said that he prefers to take things painfully slow and just see what happens. I was pretty bummed, but I totally understand where he is coming from. I wouldn't want to date me either. We ended up having a great night, the best night that I have had in a long long time. We also ended up sleeping together again.

I am just so comfortable with this guy and I haven't felt this attracted to somebody in a really long time. I know that he has no reason to believe what I say since I have baled on him so many times. I just have no idea how to undo the last 8 months. I know that I cannot undo it. But, I really want this to work out and I so fear that he will bale becaues of what I have done.

Talking to him, he remembers what I was wearing the first time we met (over a year ago), things that I have said along the way --- everything. He really paid attention.

I am concerned thought about slipping into friends with benefits --- I feel much closer to him than a friend, I am pretty sure that he feels the same way, but he is also not my boyfriend. I guess I have no idea what to do in this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
In reply to: phili2004
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 10:41am

i see that u didnt have replies on this one so i'll try to have a go. if he wants to take things really slow and you want to be sure that u r not friends with benefits, then maybe u both shouldnt act as if u r in relationship (i.e. not do the things friends with benefits do) - u get the idea? :)

u r right, u cant undo past 8 months. neither u can force him change his opinion about u bailing out as soon as the guy falls for u. trust takes time. but it seems like u guys really like each other - so all the best luck to u! hope it work out