too mature/or too immature?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
too mature/or too immature?????
1
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 3:44pm
Hi everyone, Its been awhile since i posted on here but I figured no better place to go and ask for some advise. Here's the situation. I am a 33year old divorced mom of a 14 year old boy, work a full time job making not great money, take good care of my son and try to take good care of myself. I have had some financial difficulties over the last years and I am still working hard to get out of debt. I contribute to a retirement plan, try and save for a rainy day, though the dollar amount of my savings isn't anything of real substance. Ok, now that you know all of that, let me tell you about the guy that I have been seeing for the last 4 months. He is 32 years old, divorced and has a young son. He has been divorced for about 2years. The divorce was horrible being that hefound out his wife was cheating on him while he was in the hospital for an extended period of time. He had a surgery which left him in the hosptial for about 3 months. Nonetheless, they got divorced, he was off of work for about a year recovering from his surgery, which he still has serious issues with. My problem is this....he works a deadend job, no benefits, no retirement plan, NOTHING. He has no money in the bank and pretty much just lives day to day. I have to tell you again that he has health problems in which he has to go back in and have surgery again, but hasn't done it yet. Shortly after we met, he let me in on all of this, so I helped him try and get his OVERDUE, unpaid bills in order, and by help him I mean set up a budget for him. I have stressed several times that his "toys" need to go for now in order to get his monetary situation back on track, but he is not listening. I have been on the internet sending him job postings, asking him if he submitted the applications and such, and he hasn't. He told me last night that he has alot of problems and I am acting like they can be fixed overnight, which ticked me off and hurt my feelings being that I have a solution for him, but he is not doing it. I am tired of hearing that his life is all messed up but I don't see him taking any real steps to improve it. The first thing is having his surgery, and I know he is terrified being what happened with his last surgery, but it is the first step. He told me that over the last couple of weeks, this is all I keep talking to him about and that we arn't having as much fun as we first did. That really hurt me because, he asked me for help and suggestions and now that I gave it to him, and I am trying to help him get his life in order, he has the nerve to say that to me. I felt like it was a slap in the face. I really care for this person and would like to have a future with him and that is why I am doing this, but I have to say I am feeling like a mother. I have vowed to myself not to say another word to him about it all and see what he does on his own but I keep thinking why should I end up wasting more time if this is how he is going to be. Any suggestions? Am I being unreasonable? I don't think so but if I am, let me know!!!!!!!!!!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 9:36pm

If you want a financially responsible partner, he's not the man for you. Anyone with a sense of responsibility would be doing everything in his power to get back on his feet. He's not.

You're not being unreasonable in the general sense, but you're not seeing reason if you think THIS guy is going to get it together anytime soon.

Sheri